My husband and I waited for each other for marriage, and ended up waiting a lot longer than we ever dreamed! Two years of marriage later, we still had been unable to consummate our marriage and enjoy that wedding night we’d looked forward to. On Christmas Eve of 2004, we stumbled upon an article in Today’s Christian Woman that led us to www.vaginismus.com. We couldn’t believe how closely the writer’s experience paralleled ours! I had been to countless OBGYN’s who told me everything was physically fine with me. Visits with a counselor simply added pressure on us to have a healthy sex life. We sobbed for nearly an hour with relief when we read some of the testimonies on your website. They were just like us: in love, longing for intimacy, and seemingly without hope.
Fortunately, after ordering the dilator kit and workbook, we became convinced for the first time that our wedding night could be a possibility. We took our time through the journal sections of the workbook, diving deeply into past misinformation. I was floored at the amount of information we learned about myself and my husband during this exercise. I recorded over 20 negative messages I’d been fed about sex and sexuality. My body was reacting to what I had heard, in spite of the fact that my mind knew differently.
My husband was so patient and tender and understanding through every chapter. I would HIGHLY recommend that couples do every single stage of the workbook and reading together. It knits you so much closer together, and sparks so many amazing conversations. It sets the stage for the amazing physical intimacy that is to come! Another thing that my husband did was give me little gifts along the way… every chapter I completed, he had me draw a paper from a jar. For one chapter, I got a pedicure, for another, I got a gift certificate to a teahouse. It was fun having something to look forward to, and an encouragement to keep going! (Can you tell how anxious he was?!) I would also recommend that couples take their time. Pressure works against relaxation, and it’s so important to dive deep into the past so you can correct things. Finally, one of the best things we did was to get away. During the final chapter when you begin intercourse, we scheduled a short vacation to a luxury loft. I think that so much pain, devastation, and frustration was associated with our own bedroom at home from all of the times we spent trying. It was so nice to start a new chapter in a new place. I didn’t feel the same old failure all around, and six months after starting our vaginismus books, we enjoyed that long-waited wedding night!
When we got back from our little getaway, the first thing we did was rearrange the furniture in our bedroom and make it feel like a brand new place to reflect the newness in our marriage.
God’s desire IS for couples to experience pleasure through sex. He WILL accompany you, relaxing your heart, mind, and body. And as soon as we got to a point where we were willing and ready to share our story, we couldn’t BELIEVE how many other couples out there are facing this! It sounds crazy to be married for years and have never had sex in our sexually aggressive society, but it happens. We couldn’t be more grateful for the study books, and are so glad to share with those who have given up that there IS such hope!