I am forever indebted to you. I don’t know what happened but I closed off to my husband for 23 years… then he had affairs… and I fell apart completely. All that love and we weren’t working intercourse-wise. I had a book on vaginismus but it was all too psychological and made me just dwell on myself for answers I never thought I’d find. I went to a doctor and he just said, ‘There’s nothing wrong with you; women deliver babies though their vaginal canal.’ He didn’t mention anything about my PC muscle, biofeedback, that there might be others similarly situated. I left sobbing. As a last resort I searched the web, found you, ordered the kit and got down to work.
The first thing I loved were the people on the phone. So well-trained. Careful but direct. I just felt cared for from the very first contact. And you got me my kit in England fast!
My biggest impression was from the declarations. I remember memorizing them and when I went back to the book to look at exactly what was written, I remember thinking how each word was important; each word was there for a reason and it said what it wanted to say exactly right. I loved those declarations. I felt like whoever was responsible for the whole program just loved, well, me. It was like being taken by the hand and told I was OK… one step at a time… I am not alone or even that terribly messed up. Mind over matter. I’m 57, had been defeated for over 20 years and was in a terribly emotional state when I ordered your kit and you walked me right through!
So I write today because today was the day when I decided having sex with my husband would not be about concentrating on my PC muscle (unless I hit a glitch). Today was to look at my husband, breathe him in, smile, be in the
moment and to start to really explore and enjoy this intercourse thing. And it happened. I am delighted and filled with hope. I feel happy and normal, in control and admittedly pretty emotional. It was easy and comfortable (not earth
shattering), sweet, and good for us both.
I also remember thinking when I was reading your book—everything I had ever thought around vaginismus–about fears or myself etc. etc. etc.!—was somewhere in that book. You never offended or alienated or scared me. I’m a big strong girl—I’m a lawyer—but this was something I just couldn’t figure out.
The only critical comment I have is this: My husband’s penis is larger than your largest dilator (I always believed that was the problem—his size). So I just went to a sex shop and got a dildo/dilator that was the next size up (well
a bit more) and practiced the same way. I probably should have gotten 2 gradations but they’re expensive and I thought I could do it.
Anyhow, I probably should have waited to write to you until I was less emotional to share all this with you but I’ve been wanting to say ‘Thank You’ for a very long time. It took me closer to 3 months to get to where I am today but I really
wanted to be sure I didn’t trigger pain/fear. I’m also grateful that the program focused on the control of the PC muscle; not endlessly trying to figure out how or why I shut down. It was so present and future focused which I found so positive. (NB: I did everything you told me to do in that book. I didn’t skip anything!)
So with all my heart to all of you, I thank you. I simply must sign this: