Shopping Cart
Vaginismus is a very lonely condition. The stigma behind any sexual disorder is crushing but vaginismus is so misunderstood that women often feel like they are the only one who suffers this way. Fear of embarrassment keeps vaginismus locked in silence as women are often ashamed to tell anyone including relatives, best friends or even their doctor. Who would ever understand her when she says, "I can't have sex?"
Vaginismus.com offers a free, private forum which is a safe place for women with vaginismus to ask questions of professional moderators while meeting women from all over the world who understand their condition. When women first come to our forum they respond much like this:
After they look through some of the posts in the forum their responses become more positive:
Although this is a self-help program, there is no need to go through treatment alone. Women from all over the world are willing to help educate and encourage you while providing much needed motivation for your journey. These women are at all stages of vaginismus treatment from those just joining the program to those who have already overcome this condition and now enjoy pain-free intercourse and lead exciting sex lives.
Within the Vaginismus.com forum it is 'normal' to have vaginismus. Can you imagine such a place? It does exist. As a moderator in the forum, I have been privileged to hear many stories of women as they start out very skeptical and then progress through the treatment until finally overcoming the foe of vaginismus. Women talk about their fears, hopes, pain, joys and triumphs as other women share with them and celebrate the victories great and small.
The forum is a unique place of hope and comfort designed to help women who need healing in a unique way. Hundreds of women have already found help through this free and informative service. We hope you will join us.
We wish you all the best, Kate Cardwell
Vaginismus.com Forum Moderator
Print Page
I am 26 years old and getting married in June. I have suffered (along with my fiance) from painful intercourse for years. We were thrilled when I ran across your website!! Everything on here is so postive! And the best part...I'm not alone! I just ordered your kit and can't wait to use it. Thank you for being here!
I am getting married in May. My fiance' and I have been dating for almost four years, and we wanted to wait till marriage before having sex. When it came closer to the time, we tried and it never happened. It was because of this site that I learned about treatment and now I am seeing a Women's physical therapist and a sex therapist. Our honeymoon looks very hopeful and so does a lifetime of bliss. I only wish more women knew about this condition.
Hi, I am 31 years old, with a phd, coming from an upper middle class family. still virgin! have been married for 2 years now. Have pleasure each time I try to have intercourse, so I never pushed myself to do anything more. frustrating for my man, almost became a game. thank you for the website, I hope it is not some commercial trap i am falling into, and that I will be able to make some progress with your kit.
HI IM 38 YEARS OLD AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 7 YEARS, I HAVE A DAUGHTER AGED 5. MY SEX LIFE IS NIL DUE TO VAGINISIMUS AND MY HUSBAND NO LONGER WANTS TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH ME BECAUSE HE HAS ALWAYS FELT THAT HE WAS FORCING HIMSELF ON ME AS I WOULD TENSE MY THIGHS IN ANTICIPPATION TO THE PAIN THAT CAME WITH PENETRATION. I HAVE PUT OFF GONG FOR HELP AS I WAS EMBARRESSED AND HUMILIATED AND NOW I AM FACED WITH PROBABLY THE LOSS OF MY MARRIAGE. i ENGOY ALL OTHER ASPECTS OF SEX BUT THE PENETRATION IS SO DIFFICULT. THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES WHEN I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HAVE SEX BUT OTHERS WERE IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRIED TO TELL MYSELF TO RELAX. I AM NOW FINALLY GOING TO SEE A SEX THERAPIST AS I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND WANT TO SAVE OUR MARRIGE.
Hi, I just found out today that I have vaginismus and after finding this website I'm starting to feel much better. You're right, no one knows about this and when you hear about it you just feel like you have a stigma...I left my doctor today wondering if I'd ever be comfortable to have a pelvic exam, intercourse, or have children...and after reading the stories and info on this website I feel like I can go to bed tonight with hope that I'll be fine and that I can overcome this...THANK YOU!!!
wow, this is overwhelming. my boyfriend told me to check this site out...wow. im 22, been with my boyfriend for over 2 yrs and intercourse has always been extremely painful for me, i always thought i was weak, i tried to endure the pain, it got progressively worse, and then penetration has become impossible now, i try to relax, but the pain puts me of, pressure to perform is so hard to handle, i felt so alone till now. ive never heard of anyone with the same problem. anyway im rambling on, but this site is amazing. xxx
Hi, I have used your kit and I would tell everyone one thing just dont wait one more day. Yes i waited nearly 4 years after our life together and I dont want anyone to go through this. Life just passes by and you end up feeling having wasted the years you waited. We all need to understand the gravity of the problem and yes this works wonders. I waited long to order being very skeptical and thinking things will solve on its own as my heart ruled over my head. So, pls dont do this to yourself. Luckily for this forum we have a solution to a condition we all find hard to discuss. All the best everyone.
Hi, Over the last 12 months my boyfriend and I sex life has got progressively worse where the pain is now so bad that we can't even attempt it. I have had numerous Doctor's appointments and today finally been told this is what the problem is. I have just paid for the kit today and can't wait to receive it and hope it works, then my boyfriend and I can be a normal couple once again. You think you are the only one suffering from this and then wonder whether it is all in your head. I'm so glad I came across this website. Hope everyone else manages to overcome this.
Hi, I just ordered your kit the other day. I have spent a long long time suffering from this. I have talked to my gyn about it only to be told, relax, drink a glass of wine, lubricate, etc. Of course nothing physically was wrong. It isn't something you share with your woman friends, I always felt that there was something wrong with me. My husband has been beyond patient. However, if we can get the passion back in our lives, I can't even imagine. There was a time intercourse felt GREAT! Your site has given me such hope and releif to realize I am not alone. I pray this works for my, truly it's been so long I can't even imagine how good it can be.
Hi, I've been married for almost 4 months. Our wedding party was wonderful and everyone enjoyed it but when it came to have an intercourse, which I am having it for the first time in my life, it turned to be the worst night I've ever had. I've cried many times for not being able to complete my marriage like all women do. Fortunately, my husband is a very understanding man. He always comforts me when I get upset. I almost lost hope. My doctor told me that I might have Vaginismus, which I never heard about before but when I browsed your website for almost 4 hours and read lots of information about it I gained some hope for solving my situation. I hope all women who suffer from Vaginismus can overcome their problem as soon as possible.
HI Im in the same boat, been with my partner for 10 years and didnt know what was wrong with me, i tighten up everytime we try to have sex, and then i refuse him to enter, i just dont know what to do.
Hi, I am 23 and have suffered from this condition for some time now. I just ordered the kit and really hope that it works. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.
Hi, I am 23 years old and am afraid i may have lost my Fiance because of my Vaginisums. We were together for just over 4 years and rarely ever had sex. I hurt him for a while with not understanding my problem. He thought that i wasn't attracted to him, when really i just never wanted to fool around or attempt sex because it was so painful. He's an extremely understanding and patient person but it definitely scared the two of us, just thinking that we wern't even married yet, and we would only attempt sex once every 2 months. it enhanced problems within our relationship because we had no passion for each other. We still really love each other, but i want to over come Vaginismus before we start again. I cried while reading some of your comments. i really hope each one of you overcome this condition. it's so good to know i'm not alone . And if anyone goes through the treatment and has success, i'd love to hear about it.
Hello, I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. Thankfully my husband is a patient man. I always thought I was a freak of nature because of my fear of sex. Even examining "down there" makes me nauseous. I went to the gyne about a month ago for a separate issue and left in tears. She was unable to insert the speculum because I was so terrified. I left feeling like a freak and like every one at the doctor's office was talking about me. She was very rough and never mentioned the term "vaginismus". I found that on my own. My gyne told me that I need to see a psych. I hope this site is able to help me. This is such a lonely condition. Why can 13 year olds have sex and I can't? What's my problem? It is nice to know I'm not alone...I sure feel alone.
Hi I am 27 and have this problem for 10 years now. I have been married for 5 years. My problem is that I have not even tried to make love to my husband because I am scared it will hurt.2 months ago I was able to get the courage to insert my finger. I still get nervous but try to insert it everyday. But i still feel hopeless and cant even bring myself to try with my husband in case I feel pain. I am even scared to use dialators. I cant even get to the point of trying to use one. I feel alone because everyone is at least trying and able to try and I cant even do that. I tense when I use my finger and stop breathing. I feel so low and have asked my husband to leave me. I feel so ashamed and helpless. i am so alone. how much longer will i be in this situation. How long will my husband stay. I also have no arousal or desire which worries me. I tried doing that sensate focus exercise and had no sexual sensation. I worry I wont ever feel aroused or enjoy sex. I am worried maybe I am the girl who will never get cured from this. Even though I have inserted a finger fully, I am still scared and feel I am still no way forward. My muscles still tighten and I still am scared. I worry I wont be able to fit my husbands penis and that it wont hurt. Please please please help
I've been married two months, and I still struggle with the idea and fear that inserting anything into my vagina is painful. I used to stimulate myself there when I would fantasize; I'd feel tingly and good "down there", and then feel guilty about it. (This has been going on since I was 12 y.o, and I am 29 now). I went to this site after joining a Christian forum. The idea of putting ANYTHING inside of me scares me: tampons, dialators, my own finger, my husband,all of it. I am slowly losing hope.... I don't want to lose it all... I'm a bit glad that I'm not the only one struggling with this. At least I know that other women know how I feel and can sympathize. Please do help me.
Hi mcdl, Thank you for your comment. I would be more than happy to discuss your matter privately if you'd like. Please just forward your email address to help@vaginismus.com Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
I dont usually have a problem at the beginning of sex...although it is extremly uncomfortable for me to use a tampon...but my issue is after a little while I start having pain, sore, burning type pain...then after that I am not able to continue, we try to stop and start but inserting at that point is just unbearable...is that still vaginismus? will this program be helpful for me?
After twentysome years of abstinance I need a fresh start at age 67. I never expected everything down there to lock up. We have been praticing tantric sex with our clothes on in anticipation of better times to come. If I don't use humor, I'll die.
I'm trying to find an open online forum to join, since my medical insurance doesn't include sex therapy. Much like previous posts-the idea of insertion is extremely uncomfortable- anxiety or vaginismus? I have become pregant in the past...
Hello, I a 28 years old I have been marrie for 9years have not been able to consummate my marriage I went thru Physical therepy for 5month and went to see a sex therepaist and order your dialators I just finished my therapy and I have been using your dialator I am starting on dialator #4 which is the biggest one. Should I try now to have sex intercourse? I am a little bit afraid of failure. Any suggestionss Please advise me. Thank you very much in advance for your answers.
Hello again! I want to add one more comment that I am also a virging I have never have had sex before please help me. My husband has been extremely pacient but he tells me that he feels like he is loosing it and that he can not wait any longer he is a 35 yo. I really want to consummate my marriage and have children. We are going in to our 10th year of marriage, and dont want to waste any more time eihter I want to be a complete woman. And also his family is putting a lot of pressure on us asking when are we going to have a baby. Please counsel me. Thank you and God Bless!
I still don't feel hope. I've been married for two years and I just found out what the the problem was, but it is too late. My husband and I are separating:( hopefully this product will work. THIS SO DEPRESSING!!!!!!! Could someone please help!!!
hello, this is such a difficult thing to get through, especially when my friends either laugh or say that feel sorry for me...i stopped going to a center that treated vaginismus because it just drained me emotionally..i still have the dilators (up to the largest size) but penetration is still a major problem...this is a long personal process
I thought I was alone. I have been married 8 years and still not had sex with my husband. I have a terrible fear of Smear test and suffer from anxiety because of this. This has given me hope that I can get better. Thank you for giving me hope.
Hi Sweety, Thank you for your comment. I would love to follow up with you via email if you would like. You can forward any further questions or comments to help@vaginismus.com. Meg Customer Service
Wow, it is so refreshing to hear other women saying the same things that I've said for years! We are five years in and had just set the idea aside. But of course it is always there in my mind. I've talked to doctors and did some counciling for about a year...nothing...they never even mentioned that it had a name! I'm not sure why, but that name seemed to help me more than anything. The kit is next and then finally, hopefully, some progress!!! THANK YOU!
I have also begged my husband to leave me. I just want to shrink into a corner under a table to cry every night. I cry about every night over this. I am so sorry. I can't even look at a biology class medical drawing of a vagina. How on earth am I supposed to use a book or these other tools?
Hi QI, I would love to communicate via email with you about your questions if you would like. You can email me at help@vaginismus.com. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
I feel really hopeless about my situation. I have known about it since I was 19 and am now 38. My last relationship did not work out because he could not handle it yet we are still close and he still has strong feelings for me but not able to get beyond his own selfish insecurities about it, as he was abused as a child. I don't fully identify with the experiences here because I feel a strong fear of being entered and a fear of being forced. I have tried every therapy going including hypnotherapy again recently and I do have the kit but go through phases of trying. My vagina remains tight shut, yet with a previous partner I did actually manage to take him inside me twice but did not go further than that and was overcome by terror the second time. I feel that I have come close but not close enough to resolving my problem.
Hi H, Thank you for your comment. I would love to further discuss your concerns via email if you'd like. You can email any time at help@vaginismus.com. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
I can identify with all of you. I trace my vaginismus back to childhood and an extreme fear of wetting the bed. I used to clench my muscles so tight. Also I was the "good girl" who attended church every Sunday. Additionally my parents did not and still don't get along, never displayed affection for each other. My marriage is coming to an end after 7 years. Disappointing to say the least but encouraged to know I can still work on improving myself and possibly overcome this heartache.
Hi Momof2, Thank you for your comment. I would love to help you in any way that I can. If you have anything you would like to discuss, please email help@vaginismus.com Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
As I read everyone's comments, I started to cry. I can relate to almost everyone's experiences. I can trace my vaginismus back to my teenage years when I was forced to have a pelvic exam against my will, as my mother watched me scream and cry for help and did nothing. I have been a virgin for 31 years, and I want to experience being a complete woman. Yesterday was my 32nd birthday. I spent the day with a man that I truly love, and I wanted to make love so badly, but the thought of putting anything inside of me (penis, tampons, GYN exam) scares me to no end. This website has given me hope and helped me to know Im not alone, but thats not enough for me. I need to fight this and overcome it. Please help me!
I am a 36 year old woman who has friends wonder why I haven't had a relations with a man for more than 2 years. Some secretly question my sexuality, but I rather them think whatever as the stigma of my vaginismus is something I rather not share. Admitting my fear of intercourse is painful to me. There are men who have come and gone in my life. Some knowing the truth and some not, Some I have loved put up walls to end the relationship so that they wouldn't reject me first. This is a lonely condition and it's been too long. I believe I have courage now and am seeking help so that I could live the life I've wanted.
Hi EH, Thank you for your message. If you would like to discuss this further, you can email us at help@vaginismus.com. We would love to help you in any way that we can. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
To all the brave ladies who have posted their comments here on their battles with vaginisimus; I can identify and deeply sympathise with all of you as I have been married for 10 years to a wonderfully patient man who I still cannot have sex with due to the dreaded vaginisimus. I decided to be a good christian girl and wait until my wedding night to consumate our marriage but it never happened as I was too damn scared and still am though I do not know why! I have had counselling and I have dilators which I admit I never tried hard enough to use reguarly as it seemed such a chore and I was always daunted at the prospect of the largest one! I am now at the end of my tether and my husband seems to have switched off from me (who can blame him!)I would love to hear of any others who had this horrendous problem but have overcome it (how did you do it?!) I long to be a normal wife and to have children of my own but it seems as if it will all pass me by and my life will be just one major regret! p.s sorry if I'm being depressing!
Hi Caro, Thank you for your message. If you would like to discuss this further, you can email us at help@vaginismus.com. We would love to help you in any way that we can. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
I am a Physical Therapist specializing in Women's Health. I see many patients, both old and young, with vaginismus who achieve all their goals! It's not easy, but it happends. The dilators are a great product to use as a home program. I have found that the combo of PT with dilators used for home works best. The APTA section on women's health has a website, with a "find a PT" locator for your state. You can find a PT who specializes in vaginal pain through the website. Good luck! With the proper treatment your pain can & will get better!!
I was diagnosed with Lichen Sclerosis 18 months ago. 6months later i was diagnosed with vaginisimus. I have not had sex for over 2 years and my partner of 7 years has just left me for someone else stating he has needs too. I don't see the specialist for either condition now only the GP, whoc checks me every 2 years to ensure i haven't got the big C. I have tried the steroid creams and dilators to now avail. I am now suffering from depression as these conditions are basically destroying my life
Hi I live in the UK and have suffered with painful sex for nearly 2yrs since being married - I was a virgin and the first time was almost impossible but I powered through the honeymoon hoping it would get better the more I got used to it. Sometimes the burning is so bad I can't let my husband see my face i'm in so much pain. I went to the DR and she said to try more lube and practice our foreplay techniques but it feels like nothing works. My husband has a very high sex drive and I have virtually none and never orgasm through sex. He knows about the pain and tries to go slowly but not having sex seems to have such a bad effect on him and our marriage I have just gone the "grin and bear it" approach, but as nothing is changing it feels harder to cope with each time. I feel ashamed and a failure having waited so long for this experience. I think it is starting to make me depressed. I need to go back to my DR but it's so hard to keep pushing when they're not supportive - should I take my husband? I don't even know how to find the right resources in the UK. I never used tampons when young either as I had massive problems getting them in. I have been researching the internet but only just found your site. I had read something about vaginismus before but it only said about tightness at the entrance (which I also get) but never the burning - it's described more fully here and really seems to be what I am suffering from. I am trying to see my DR again and push for a gyny meeting. At least I know i'm not along now, but I just want to get this sorted - although I still feel fearful about humiliation of treatment but I am getting desperate so hopefully this is the start of moving through this as I would like to try for children soon but that also scares me because of this pain. Thanks.
I live in the UK and last year had to have an aborion. Since then sex has become more and more painful, now it even hurts to put in a tampon! I've only recently found out what my condition is (through my own research) as I've been doing to my doctors for the past few months and they kept fobbing me off with various different things that could 'possibly' be wrong with me. I had tests which came back negative so they then decided it was thrush, then they advised to get KY jelly, then it was all in my mind and I needed to get on with it (very professional!) then they gave me something to numb the pain but not to cure it! It's really got me down!!! I'm taking pages off of this website to my doctor this week and telling them to help me sort it out as this condition is really putting a strain on my relationship. My boyfriend has been more then understanding but after months and months of no intimacy it's getting really hard!
I have such a fear of penetration (tampons, my own fingers, pap) that it makes me hate myself. I can't even think about it without feeling faint. I am so ashamed. I don't understand how someone with this can use the dilators, it's too scary. I don't know what to do anymore.
VAGINISMUS.COM RESPONSE: Thank you for writing. Your comment illustrates a common concern for women who have not been able to do any type of insertion. It is important to understand that our process does not begin with dilator insertions. In fact, in our 10-Step process, the dilators are not even introduced until halfway through the program (this is with treating Primary Vaginismus where women have not had sex before.) In the initial steps, before insertions are even considered, there are a number of steps to learn and practice. Muscle control is paramount, and when insertions are started, they begin with cotton swabs (medical grade Q-tips), not with dilators. Dilators come much later, and the dilators are used as tools to deliberately trigger the tightening reaction. Then the muscle control and retraining exercises are applied to override the body tightening reaction. Once women are able to control the tightening reaction, the dilators will slip inside without pain. There is a process to follow there to make it a comfortable, practical transition.
My story is just like everyone else’s on here. I am 25 years old and has never had sex. I been with the same guy for 7 years hoping one day I will be able to. I got dilators to help me be able to have sex but I can't seem to do that just like I cant use a tampon or my fingers... SO I don’t know what to do anymore I NEED HELP :'(
Can someone who has overcame this problem please help me because the GYN that I went to seems to just send me home to figure it out for myself. I saw a sex therapist but it seem as if she didn’t understand me.
VAGINISMUS.COM RESPONSE: Please read our response to a similar comment further down the list. In general, many women simply purchase dilators and try to treat vaginismus by 'winging it' without any kind of program or real understanding of the normal treatment process. Obviously, if they can't insert a tampon, they will likely experience a lot of frustration in trying to insert a dilator. Physically they may be capable, but with involuntary muscle tension occurring, it becomes an impossibly frustrating effort. Also, there is a complete misunderstanding of the purpose of dilator therapy, a misguided belief that they are only trying to 'stretch' themselves larger (there are elements of truth to this mostly for middle-aged and older women trying to rehabilitate atrophied vaginal walls.) Information is power, and we cannot emphasize enough the value of reading a simple, low-cost book on the subject to develop a firm understanding of the process. It makes the treatment process so much easier.
Im 21 and have been married for two years now. I have the kit for afew months but cant seem to get past putting a tampon in. I have a huge passion for children and want one more than anything in the world but cant seem to overcome this. HELP!
My wife has struggled with this condition for the 11 years we have been together with no diagnosis. I have only recently found your website and the stories match our sex life exactly. I thought I was being helpful by showing her your site but she has responded with anger and disgust that I should even raise the issue. I understand how it might be hard for her to face this as we have managed to avoid talking about it for a long long time. She says she could never discuss this with a doctor or counsellor - she describes the thought of this as 'head rape'. I don't know where to go from here. I can't seem to find the right approach to help. We have avoided sex for such a long time and now she belives all her sexual feelings for me have gone completely. She has decided to leave me and believes a new partner would be her cure. This is heart breaking for me as I love her deeply. Any advice would be well received.
i am 24 years old and have never been able to have sexual intercourse because my vagina tightens up whenever a penis comes towards it. i am told i am so beautiful and that i can have any guy i want well that is true until it comes down to having sex and i can't have sex but i want too soo bad... i have only been able to be fingered with one finger and it is so tight.
i wish this was not a real problem for people. this really sucks. i mean there could be worse things out there but this really doe suck because i was with the same guy 4 years and we are not married yet because of my problem i think even though he stuck by me 4 years it is not fair to him to have to suffer too i just do not know what to do it makes me depressed
I am 22 and just got married in june. I suffered sexual abuse when I was younger and now have problems having sex. Though I have completed 3 years of therapy and have no other problems (depression etc.) I cannot seem to relax my muscles during sex. This is hard on my marriage and would love to hear some feedback on those that have used this kit. I have went to the dr and he has repeatly told me that Im fine, Im just little. But I know that is not the case. Thanks.
Hello I wrote on here a while ago. I have some questions if anyone could help me out. I was wondering if anyone has tried a muscle relaxer and then tried having sex? I am so desperate that I feel if I do that a couple of times then maybe I will be able to get over this problem. I just don't find that kit to work for me. I try relaxing my body and everything, but I still can’t do anything… L Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do? I have also been to the gyno and they said I was fine, but that was the most stressful time of my life I am 25 and I been there once where they were finally able to give me the exam after a hour of being there… and had no suggestions of what I could do, and then I went one other time they didn’t give me an exam but they also had no suggestions for me… I just want to know if anyone has tried a muscle relaxer… or anything else that has helped them though this..
Reading all of these stories have brought me to tears, and yet I am thankful that there are others that share this problem. I will be 20 in a matter of days and never wore tampons ever in my life. When I was 18 I went to get a papsmere and well...it just didn't happen. Out of anything I have ever had, this is truly the most upsetting thing in which I don't feel like a woman. I want the ability to say that I am a virgin because I choose to and not because I don't have a choice.
I'm 17, and I think I have this condition. Me and my boyfriend have tried to have intercourse about 10 times, and it just hasn't happened. We are wildly passionate about eachother, and the lead up is always great, but then it's just depressing when he can't enter me. I'm worried this is going to go on for years as you have mostly commented.
I have more or less the same story as most people here, i have a fear of penetration (tampons, my own fingers, pap). Please let me know how u can assist me.
Hi. My name is Kathleen. I stumbled upon this site just a couple of days ago when I went looking for some information on vaginismus to share with a friend. I was so excited - not for me, but for all those other women out there who suffer in their relationships because of this disease. You see...I was diagnosed with vaginismus over 12 years ago. It has been a long road, but I finally overcame it. In the process however, I lost my marriage and my wonderful husband. I wish we had had the resources available on this site to better inform us of this disease back when we were struggling. I ended up going through many years of therapy on my own and eventually came out of it O.K. I learned a lot about my body and my inner self, and have become a much healthier sexual person. I hope that this site is able to help women realize vaginismus is real, there is help and support, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
i was a virgin when i got married three and a half years ago and I still am. weve tried sex therapy and it has helped a little. i can put a dialator in. they are small though. I can insert the largest one from stage 1 which isnt really that big. anytime we try to have sex i just find it soooo painful. i want it to happen but it never does. my husband doesnt even try anymore. i have given him a deadline til July of this year. If it doesnt happen, i am leaving him. I love him so much but this is not what I call a life for him. He wants to have babies so bad and i cant do it. I dont want to be selfish and i know leaving him would be the best thing. Even though he disagrees, im sure 20 years down the line he will resent me. He's a virgin too
we waited til marriage and I guess that theory has done us no good. this is a very informative site. and i hope i can find my solution here
Hi to everyone, I am writing this with tears rolling down my face after reading all the other comments and being able to understand all that people are going through. I have being suffering with vaginisimus now for 10 years andhave been unable to have sex with my husband, who tomak matters wors is in the forces and away alot, I am going to order the self-help kit and try to overcome this, I would value anyones feedback xxxx
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and we are still unable to have sex. I went to my gynecolgist yesterday to talk to her about the situation, she tried to give me a PAP but was only able to get about an inch in. I told her to please take it out because it felt as though I was going to pass out, she told me that it was anxiety and took the speculum out of me. After the attempted PAP my GYN let me know that I had vaginmisnus and explained it to me. She also wrote me a script to go see a Therapist/Psychologist. Thankfully my GYN was knowlegable about my condition. I feel so left out because all of my friends and siblings have sex and their always like OMG it feel so good and I can never comment. They know about my condition though and are very supportive. Well until I meet with my Therapist that will be all for now...i'll be surely back to update you on my condition. PLEASE LADIES WISH ME LUCK! Sincerely, 21 and still a Virgin =(
I just want to share my story with all those who suffer from this problem. I suffered from vaginismus for 12 years.
Ladies, I just read that 5% of the american women population are affected by vaginismus, which totally sucks for us, but those who have success stories please do share so I and many others can be hopeful. Thanks!
Hi all. I can relate to some women on here. I have been married for 9 months and my husband and I have yet to consumate. We have been praying about this situation and we are in the midst of a fast and prayer...we are claiming victory in Jesus name! There is nothing impossible for Him...even our very personal battles. I will write back with a positive report soon.
Ladies, I just read that 5% of american women are affected by vaginismus, which totally sucks for us. Those of you with success stories please do share and give us hope. Thanks!
I have had this problem for 37 years, and did not even know what it was, nor did the doctors know what to tell me. I am 49 years old, and I am soooo greateful that Tyra Banks and the women who came on her show to discuss vaginismus. I was raped at 12 years old, and it hurted then and it still hurts now to this day. I have refrained from sexual intercourse until marriage. It has been 5 years now. Maybe there is hope for me after all.
The 49 year old woman who experienced pain at age 12 and still does...I forgot to mention that I thought that it was a normal thing to feel pain during intercourse until I heard differently that sex is suppose to be fun, great, and pleasureable. I have never experienced it. I hope and pray that some day I too will find a mate who is understanding and willing to go through the treatment with me to overcome the Vaginismus. I won't to buy the kit, but afraid that I might be let down one more time. I have always wish that I could have an organism and feel like other women who say that sex with their guy is fun. Just to have the desire to say to myself, wow...I pleased the love of my life, as well as myself. Jan 14th of 2011, I will be 50. That tells it all right there.
I am 27 and I'm so excited to finally be comfortable enough with my situation to get started with the dilator set and I am doing wonderfully so far, according to my OBGYN. I was born with a small vagina and sex in my last relationship was just not possible. I am now comfortable in my own skin and know that I just have to keep positive and know that it will get better - it took me 8 years on-and-off to commit to dialting constantly - and I am now on for good. I am looking at this as a goal and not a negative aspect of my life. Good luck to everyone!
My husband and I just celebrated our 2 year anniversary and still can't really have sex. It is getting so depressing. I stumbled across this site earlier in our marriage, and thought I might have this problem, but I thought we could just overcome it ourselves with patience and practice. Not working! I have felt so depressed since our anniversary . . . somehow I had convinced myself that two years would do the trick and we would have improved by now. The doctor said I'm just a bit "tight" and will loosen up with more frequency, but how is it ever supposed to be frequent when it hurts so much? I'm way too embarrassed to go to more doctors or a counselor, not to mention I can't afford it. The self-help sounds great, but we are so tight on money right now that I'm afraid to spend money if I'm not sure it will work . . . what is the cheapest way to start? Is there like a single, inexpensive book that I can start with?
Ladies, Im 29 and i tried to have intercourse with three men in my life, and none of them is able to penetrate, two of them is patient and i thought it was his problem, i didnt go to see a doctor until i had difficulties with my 3rd man. The treatment is ongoing now, and i can fit the no 2 dilator inside now. Im very excited and ladies like us are not freaky natures, we deserve wonderful sex!
Our 6th anniversary is in a few weeks. For the first five years of our marriage, I lived in and under shame. At the end of last year, I knew I had to face it and get help. Since January, I have been in treatment - counseling (where I learned the term vaginismus), using vaginal dialators and even physical therapy. All have helped. We still have not consummated but I we closer than ever before. Kyn, in our first year of marriage, my doctor said the same thing: I was just a bit tight. Well, it turned out, I was more than just a bit. I was so embarrased and ashamed. I thought the problem would just go away and somehow magically fix itself; but, I realized I had to address it head on. I wish I could tell you an inexpensive way. Even with my insurance, I have had more medical expenses this year than ever - with the doctor's visit, the referral to the specialist, the dialators and the pelvic physical therapy. All have helped. I am so thankful to be so much further along in this process and am looking forward to IT happening!
I am 40yrs old and have knowingly suffered with this condition for 20yrs (half my life)! My husband and I have been married for the better part of those 20yrs and have never 'really' been able to enjoy eachother sexually. In the beginning, I could not be penetrated at all, but over time I have become able though it was still very painful. Through it God blessed us with 2 children (a girl and a boy) both born via C-Section. We have stopped having any form of sex yrs ago and to some degree, have drifted apart. He sleeps on the couch and I sleep alone in the bedroom. We still love eachother very much but the sexual aspect of our relationship is now non-existant. We never even discuss sex. I don't want this to be our fate forever. I want us to be able to enjoy eachother sexually but we are now 40 and 50yrs old (he is 10yrs my senior). I feel as if I have waisted our best yrs. I wish I wasen't so afraid. And I really wish I had these resources back then and could have done something sooner. =(
I am 31 years old and have never had a sucessful penetration during sex. I have always being afraid that sex for the first time is painful, however i have been trying for the past year to have sex but have not been able to fully relax. Few weeks ago I bought the vaginismus selfhelp kit and i have been trying to use the dilator. So far it is getting a bit better but i have not yet been able to try the bigger dilator yet. However i am trying to be positive that if i keep on trying all will be well. However my boyfriend and I have still not been able to have sex with penetration. I went to see a gynaecologist few days ago and i was told that alll i need to do is relax and continue using the dilator. But am still worried that my hymen will bbe difficult to break. I will like to know if the dilator will help in breaking my hymen without its being painful and normally how long do i have to use the dilator for.
Hi everyone. I am a 21 year old student from the UK, and have been suffering from vaginismus for over 2 years. My partner of 5 years has been very understanding, even during the period of time that I had no diagnosis, like many of you I was fobbed off with many wrong diagnoses and downright rude attitudes of supposed medical professionals, who made me feel like I was wasting their time. I left in tears twice after being unable to complete a pelvic examination. 4 months ago I was reffered to a psychosexual councillor, who diagnosed me with vaginismus, and recommended I get dilators to help treat my problem. I am slowly getting better, and a few nights ago my partner and i managed full intercourse without me wincing or crying in pain. In fact, it even felt fun! There was of course still some pain especially upon entry, but nothing compared to the pain I wad experiencing prior to using the dilators. My feelings of hopelessness, uselessness and self hatred are being replaced by excitement for finally having a normal sex life!
You don't know nice it is to hear that there are people out there struggling with the same problem. I just turned 30 years old and have been "dealing" with this issue for roughly 10 years. My husband is incredibly patient, but it definitely gets us down. We want to have a kid, but I'm not sure if it's possible. I bought this kit years ago, but never had the nerve to try it. I just don't feel comfortable with the dilators. Anyone else feel like that?
Hi, I am 18 years old. I know I may seem kind of young, but im about 99.9% sure that I have vaginismus. It's very frustrating and I cry all the time because I dont know where to start. I feel lost and left out and I just need help. It's not only my sex life that is being affected but I cant even get a pap done properly because its so painful and I just cant go through with it. I also can't use tampons. Someone please help me!
I have been surfing the net to try finding anyone else who suffers the same way I do and has overcome it. I am 22 and have been married for a month. I had told my husband, before our wedding, about my fear of intercourse, and he was, and is, very patient and understanding, and even when we "fail" in my eyes, he assures me that he is very happy with me and that sex isn't the measure of our love. We both thought it had to do with me not knowing about anything concerning sex until I had to research it on my own in our engagement months, which was shocking and new, and scared me. On our honeymoon, though, which we both approached as virgins, I freaked out a few times...dissolved in tears and frankly that's all I can remember happening, I just kept rambling on terrified. For the first few nights of our honeymoon, I couldn't even take any of my clothes off. The first night we were back home, I'd reached the point of being naked as long as he couldn't see me under the covers...but then he got his clothes off and I freaked out all over again. A few nights later I was ok with it, and we tried, but the minute I felt him near the opening, the 30 minutes of foreplay arousal disappeared, I was completely tensed up, and it took all my courage not to lose my mind again. We haven't tried as hard since then, and I have no desire to. I want to get over it because I know it's right, and I know he really wants this, and I want children one day, but everything about inserting anything inside me freaks and grosses me out, and even touching him there with my hand grosses me out...I've reached the point of indifference about touching him with my hand, but I feel like it's my brain shutting out something shocking so I don't fall apart. And I can only touch him while he's wearing shorts. I thought I was by myself in how I think, but it turns out I'm not, and though I'm sorry others are going through this, I'm grateful to find out I'm not alone. Although, I am scared to see how long it's lasted for so many of you. I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone about it, at least that I know. Everyone in my community knows me because of my job and my politically active family. I talked to another woman from my other in law's church who was a marriage counselor, before I was married, and she just said I needed to get over my fear or else he'll want to leave me...it's caused nightmares on the honeymoon of him leaving me, and he had to wake me up in the night from them. I hate seeing him have to go through this, and I hate feeling so low about myself and my ability to serve my husband the way I was designed.
i've been married for about three months now. my husband and i are both virgins. i'm so scared of having sex. i'm scared of the pain...every time we've tried i've been too scared to go all the way
i need help. i don't know what to do. how long will this go on???????!!!!!!
Hi. I am 21 years old. I have recently found out that I have vaginisums. Im scared and it hurts me to know that I can't have sex with my boyfriend. I feel upset or angry all the time. It's like I can't control my emotions. I sometimes feel like this pulling us apart. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hello. I don't really know how to put this, but I've suffered from vaginismus for 5 years now and my four-year marriage ended last year, because of this condition. Unfortunately my ex-husband wasn't very supportive in this and wanted me to solve this on my own beacuse he didn't feel that it was his responsivebility to deal with. God knows how many tears I've cried for that. I feel very unnormal and helpless. As much as I get happy for you guys that are lucky enough to have amazing and supportive husbands, I can't help but wondering: how am I supposed to overcome this without a partners help? Is it possible to do it by yourself? It says somewhere on this website that it is, but how am I supposed to do that when I can't even put a finger there? It's very embarrassing and I don't really know where to start and nobody in my family understands what I'm going trough, It really is a living nightmare!!! The thought of the future scares me and I don't know if I'm ever gonna meet a man that can understand what I'm going through and help me overcome this. I really do want to have children one day and vaginismus is tearing me apart. I really need your help and feedback, please help me...
I am 27 years of age and recently got married. I am a virgin.I am terrified of 'anything' going inside me. My husband has been patient but have noticed him making odd negative comments 'like all women' are having sex with their husbands except mine, all my friends wives are 'normal'.. I fancy him like mad, think he is lovely too , he is taking me to the states soon. (I think that he thinks it may happen there). My mum asked me did everything go well ?? On wedding night, I lied and said yeah all OK. I have never tried 'it' but think it will be painful and horrible. I love all of the foreplay and messing around and flirting but when it comes to him trying, I scream and then it kills the mood we roll over and say goodnight ............... I have no idea why the idea of sez is great, but doing it is disgusting ....
I am 21 years old, married to my husband for 2 1/2 years, together for almost 5 yrs. We have two little boys, one who will be 3 yrs old soon and one who is now 17 months. We use to have phenomonal sex. The pain started to come around the ending trimester of our first child. When we were trying to conceive our second child, it hurt a little but I just shrugged it off. Sex got way better during my second pregnancy but by my last trimester, it got worst. I didn't take exams very well either, luckily I had both c sections, so I didn't have to put up with very many exams. After I gave birth to my second baby, a day before I got Mirena an IUD birth control put in (Aug 2010), my husband and I had successful sex. Might I add, my gyn put my on percacet to be able to put the IUD inside of me. After that sex was horrible. We continued to try after my gyn insisted that it was "all in my head, I needed to relax and that my kids were too much on my mind." Feeling like it was all my fault, I continued to try so called relaxing. What is most confusing is that in March of 2011 we finally had one day of success and that was the last time. We started researching and asked the dr about "vaginismus" thats when he said yes you have it, go buy some sex toys and thats all I can do for you. I got a referral for another dr that was suppose to be more informative on vaginal problems, he started me on muscle relaxers. It didnt feel muc of a difference and I was tired of being 21 yrs old and on so many medications. Since then I have had my mirena removed (which might I add hurt so bad!, to try to start from scratch. I have been trying "exercises" with what I have. Unfortunately, sometimes I get depressed and feel like I dont even want to try, like its useless. It still burns as I try to do my exercises. I want to say "the heck with the doctors and medication" and buy this kit, but I'm such a tight-wad with money that I'm not sure if I want to spend so much money for it. I'm sure I eventually will, I will just have to talk myself into it. I really hope I can fix all this. My husband is very patient but I know sometimes, he just wishes it would go away just as much as I do. He works with a bunch of women that flirt with him and I know he's very faithful and loves me to death, I just really don't want to lose him! I'm tired of thinking about it and being depressed about it, just want it to go away!
I just got engaged to a wounderful man who loves me to death. I have had this condition and Interstitial Cystitis, which always mean that im always in pain, I am only 20 and have never had sex, we been together for two and half of years; I think i got depression now because of this conidition. I have been in more hospitals than a normal girl of my age should do, one doctor said "it all in your mind" which is crap because the pain was real. I just bought a treatment kit which I hope will help me. I want get married and be able to have sex after i finish my law degree. I wish I would get better but im begining to doubt I will, after the amounts of appointments I have been through and the number of doctors, nurses who said they can't help me. if anyone got any advice about the treatment kit it would be so useful.
I have been married for 6 years now and believe it or not i havent been able to have sex with my husband, i feel like he might be cheating on me because i know me giving him oral couldnt have possibly satisfied him for 6 years. We're hoping to adopt but i cant even trust he'll stay with me because we cant have sex. Its very stressful and i get very depressed as well at times because of the way other people are talking about sex makes me want to do it, but i just cant. Im SO thankful for this site and i really hope it makes a difference! Thank you!
Hi I'm 28 years old. Been married 2 And a half years I'm still a virgin. We've tried to have sex but I'm just too scared to let him enter even when I've tried I tighten up and panic I don't enjoy when he tries and. Now avoid it. Iv never tried to put a tampon in as I'm too scared to fear it will be painful ive read your website and can relate to the symptoms Im going to order the kit and hope it helps me.