10 Common Myths About Vaginismus

November 3, 2006 | 132 Comments

The following is a list of ten common myths of vaginismus:

  1. Women who have vaginismus are frigid. Frigid is a derogatory term meaning sexually unresponsive. Most women with vaginismus are sexually responsive and deeply desire to make love. When sex always hurts or is uncomfortable it is normal to begin to avoid intimacy.
  2. Vaginismus will go away on its own. Vaginismus does not get better on its own. It requires treatment. The earlier treatment is initiated the more quickly pain-free intercourse will be attained. Do not accept your situation. We have helped many women who have struggled unnecessarily with vaginismus for decades before they sought treatment help.
  3. If we just try harder (keep trying to have sex) it will happen. Continuing to attempt penetrative intercourse while there is pain only makes the vaginismus WORSE - not better. Forcing it does not help. Stop having intercourse if you are having sexual pain and seek treatment.
  4. Taking special vitamins, relaxing, drinking wine, watching porno videos and/or listening to suggestion tapes all cure vaginismus. These things in themselves do not cure vaginismus. Relaxing, meditating, regular exercise, and eating healthy are all important to one's overall health but do not cure vaginismus. Watching adult videos and dabbling in pornography does not help vaginismus.
  5. Sex is supposed to hurt. Sex is NOT supposed to hurt. With first-time sex there may be some discomfort but ongoing sexual pain is not normal and needs to be treated.
  6. My husband/partner is just "too big" for me. Although it may seem a likely reason that intercourse is so difficult is because your husband/partner is well-endowed, penis size usually has nothing to do with vaginismus. With vaginismus the vaginal muscles are tightening up (without your conscious control) so there is not enough room for the penis to enter. No matter the size of an adult woman, the vagina is designed to accommodate a fully erect penis.
  7. There is no cure for vaginismus. This statement is completely false. Vaginismus is highly treatable.
  8. It takes thousands of dollars to overcome vaginismus. Vaginismus treatment does not need to cost exorbitant amounts of money. We provide effective and reasonably priced resources to women worldwide.
  9. All women with vaginismus have been sexually abused. There are many emotional and physical causes for vaginismus and sexual abuse is just one of them. Women who develop vaginismus often have abuse-free backgrounds.
  10. Surgery will fix my problem. There is no surgery to fix vaginismus - treatment success follows a straight-forward program. In extremely rare circumstances, a woman may have an especially thick or rigid hymen or other malformation that may require minor surgery to correct, but this is the exception.
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  1. Written by: Elizabeth | February 15th, 2007

    i am so very overwhelmed on finding this web site. i am 26 yrs old and have not yet experienced intercourse. i have always felt so alone and scared. i have believed that i was the only one who experienced this problem and that there was no cure or just a painful and expensive surgery to correct my "deformaty". i am still very scared to start a treatment but am more hopeful that i can become what i like to call "normal". thank you for having this information accessable for me. ~elizabeth

  2. Written by: vani | March 2nd, 2007

    its nice to have this information

  3. Written by: Grant | March 26th, 2007

    wow, my first girlfriend had this condition FOR SURE. I did stax of reading on it and finally found a small reference in a psychology textbook. A doctor friend recommended buying dildo's of different sizes but I guess I just wasn't ready to go through all that. I did tell her what to do, I sometimes wander if she's ok - I feel for all sufferers 'cause their guys are included in that group!

  4. Written by: Beverley | May 5th, 2007

    i am 29 and never had sexual intercourse before. I am so glad i have found this website. i would not know what to do otherwise. i am currently goung through the treatment with help from the book plus the dilators. still got a long way to go, but i have come along way and i feel more positive about the future.

  5. Written by: Saskia | May 11th, 2007

    Very, very pleased I found your website. The symptoms fit me to a "T". I have had this for a couple of years now and even switched gynecologists because I was told that more romance in my marriage woud cure this. My current gynecologist doesn't take my symptoms very seriously either and basically told me if I had intercourse more frequently it would get better. And both these physicans are affiliated with the Yale School of Medicine! I have ordered the dilators and am hopeful!

  6. Written by: Heather | May 18th, 2007

    I was diagnosed with vaginismus just yesterday. I've been dealing with the problem for almost two years, but I never knew what it was until now. I'm so glad there's help out there. Your site has been very helpful, and I was even pleased to read about the myths. People with or without this problem should be well educated on the subject before making assumptions. I also hope that gynecologists and other family doctors will educate themselves on vaginismus.

  7. Written by: Kristen | August 12th, 2007

    Wow...I am also overwhelmed by this website. I thought I was the only one too!! I dated a guy for 5.5 years but never was "in love" with him and we tried to have sex but it never got anywhere and I thought it was becuase I didn't love him. I am now dating a wounderful guy who I am deeply in love with and I want to share this passionate experience with. We tried once but it didn't go anywhere and it felt like a "blockade" inside my vaginal wall. I also have a very difficult time having GYN exams. I am too scared/nervous to have them. I am currently working towards my problem and speaking to doctors. I have great optimism that things will work out and my boyfriend is right beside me every step of the way...what a saving grace!

  8. Written by: AJ | August 20th, 2007

    I discovered this site while looking up how to relax at the gynecologist. I have an appointment tommorrow an am terrified. I have had one before. My first exam was not painful becasue the doctor was compassionate. At first she couldn't insert the speculum, but she used her finger to show me how to contract and release my muscles. I was queasy but she did it so fast. She used lubricant and slowly insterted the speculum. She did not open the speculum all the way and I barely felt it. I moved and got a new gyn and she was cold and heartless. She sprung the speculum wide open even though I told her I was a virgin, I guess because of my age at the time,(I was 24) she assumed I should be able to handle it. I didn't. I screamed and jumped across the table away from her. Her face was blank and she seemed annoyed and flatly stated I might feel some pressure. Somehow she was able to insert the speculum, I am amazed because I don't even like to open my legs, but when she opened the speculum again it hurt.It felt tight like I was being stretched! After she left the room I cried and dressed myself. I was sore and I never went back. I now have a kind gyn, but on my last visit I clenched up and she had to rush through the exam to get the pap smear and quickly remove the speculum. She explained I needed to relax my muscles, but I couldn't. I felt embarrassed and ashamed like I was her worst and wierdest patient. I hate making the appointment every year but I have ovarian and breast cancer on my mother's side and I know I need to do this. When I saw your website I stayed up until 4am reading all the stories and comments about vaginismus. I was perplexed, I WASN'T ALONE!! I prayed and thanked God for leading me to this site. I was too embarrassed to even mention this to God, but I know as silly as it seems, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I even managed to insert my finger a little ways inside myself after reading this to feel my PC muscles contract and release to prepare me for tommorrow. It's amazing! I am too squeamish to even look at the diagrams of intercourse on this site, I can't stand the thought of something touching my cervix. I want to clamp my legs shut and cross them when i look at it. But I plan to order the treatment kit and mention this website to my gyn who may not know about this disorder. I pray that I will be cured before I get married some day. I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to have sex or wear tampons properly forever. I may be a part of that 1% that has this disorder, but I don't have to suffer anymore!! God Bless you all for your research for this site, and for the treatment kits!!

  9. Written by: Sarah | September 11th, 2007

    I am 19 years old and have never been able to have sex. I have tried several times with a couple of different partners but the pain I experienced was to much, I was left feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I often feel alone and left out when I hear friends talking about their sex lives. After finding the information on this site I am certain I suffer from vaginismus. I am still too embarressed to talk to anybody I know about this but have found the confidence to visit my GP for help. I just hope she has heard of this condition before and is understanding. The information has made me realise that I am not abnormal, as many other women suffer from this problem. Thank you for the information you have provided, it has been a great help.

  10. Written by: Elizabeth | December 5th, 2007

    Wow I still can't believe there's other women out there with my same problem. I'm 24 years old and just got married 2 months ago, I waited for my husband because I wanted to be very special on my wedding night, and it was horrible, and he thought we were the only couple with this problem. When he found this website and apologies to me I started crying because I knew we were about to get help. I'm tired of crying everytime we try and I just can't have intercourse, and it's really hard for us, but now I can't wait to get my books and just be able to have a normal marriage.... Thank you so much for this page, you have no idea how much it's helping us...

  11. Written by: Rashmi P | January 16th, 2008

    I got married around 6 months back. I am suffering with the same problem. This site has provided help in terms of useful information. Its helps tp know that you are not the only one and that there is help available on this. Thanks....

  12. Written by: ellen | January 18th, 2008

    i have the same problem it hurts when i have sex and i have ky jelly he is so big that i cant take him he cant even enter into me why is that

  13. Written by: Nicole | February 5th, 2008

    i just found this site last night and am also very overwhelmed and have shed tears over the fact that i may have this condition. I'm 18 years old and started having sex about five months ago. We couldn't do it often but everytime we tried he said he felt blockage and it hurt as if when he thrusted he was about to puncture something inside of me. I'm still not sure whether or not vaginismus is the cause or if it's the inconsistency because he fully penetrated me with his finger. Can someone offer any advice? I'd really appreciate it...

  14. Written by: Becky | February 14th, 2008

    This website changed some of my misconceptions about vaginismus. I first came across this condition when I was doing research on painful intercourse because I couldn't figure out why sex hurt for me. The first information I recieved was that vaginismus was due to some sort of sexual trauma (which I have not suffered from) and that vaginismus is only when your vaginal walls completely block the penis from entering, which was not my case either. So I moved on thinking that I didn't have vaginismus. But I came back and found this site and I discovered that women with vaginismus can be successful with penetration but experience pain during the intercourse, and that sometimes there is no known cause for it. This changes everything! I finally have answers. I think it's also important to recognize all the levels of severity of vaginismus so other women like me don't get mislead. You can still have vaginismus when you ARE able to be penetrated but have no pain with tampons, etc. Thanks to this site I have been given answers!

  15. Written by: donna | March 3rd, 2008


  16. Written by: April | March 6th, 2008

    Thank you for this website! I'm 20 and haven't been able to have penetration yet... want to be able to soon. I grew up in a household where sex was considered ok, not dirty, openly talked about- so not sure where this comes from. My bf and I immensely enjoy oral sex but haven't had intercourse because I cannot let him- it's like my muscles just tense up so incredibly tightly. Will look into relaxing along with treatment on the site. Thank you!

  17. Written by: margaret | March 26th, 2008

    I'm 35 years old and I have two children, I gave birth through ciserian section.Currently I'm divorce from a marriage of six hard years.I now know that I'm not alone in this pain which I did'nt have a clue of what was happening to me because all the time during my marriage sex was painful and there was no penetration what so ever.Even going for gyn tests was a nightmare for me. Unfortunately we have doctor's who do not understand this condition and think that you crazy.My husband did not love me enough to have patience for me and started having affairs and was verbally abusive towards me and always told me that I needed to go for therapy alone.He did not became part of my pain.I thank God for this website it has opened my eyes and I will surely purchase the treatment and start the healing process.

  18. Written by: prik | June 6th, 2008

    hi m 23yrs old.m very happy to find ur website.i'was really shock to know abt this prob with my gf.it seems to be very clear to me but my gf is really afraid abt all this things.she is actually shamed to visit a doc now..is there any way to make her understand so that she changes her mind...

  19. Written by: prik | June 6th, 2008

    is there any way to just avoid a doc .....

  20. Written by: info1 | June 9th, 2008

    Hi Prik, Thank you for your comment. I would be happy to privately discuss this matter with you via email. Please send your email address to help@vaginismus.com, and I will address your concerns. Thank you! Kind regards, Meg Customer Service

  21. Written by: Jade | August 9th, 2008

    After 4 years with a non sexual marriage, the cracks are really starting to show. Now other problems are taking there toll and there is no make up sex...but so good to know I am not the only one and that things can get better!

  22. Written by: liv | August 22nd, 2008

    I've been married to my husband for three years and with him for ten. The only time we had sex was about seven years ago, and our marriage is unconsummated. We love and desire each other very much, and enjoy a wonderful sex life without the sex, but of course, we are both so frustrated and I have developed avoidance of the issue and he ends up holding his frustrations in. I had counselling...didn't work, and then gave up initial dilator treatment upon moving countries. I always thought it was psychological, as all the doctors implied, but now I know it might not be due to trauma etc. as I never had any! I've already got the dilators and have ordered the self-help book and am determined to try again! Peace.

  23. Written by: Alex | September 13th, 2008

    I've had this problem sinse I began haing sex, I'm nearly 18 so still young, me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years now,this problem has caused us to have too much responsibility and worry too soon when other couples our age have a worry free relationship. This problem is taking its toll on our relationship as well as causing me depression which I have been diagnosed with recently, we kept it quiet for ages because I was so ashamed and felt broken almost.. We are seeking medical help with a psychosexual therapist at a hospital which my doctor recommended. My boyfriend has been fantastic and stuck by me but I know it's hard on him.. I recently found this website and it helps me to know that we are not alone as I have tried talking it through with friends who do not understand and are not supportive.. I'm trying to be more positive now even though it's hard to see it WILL get better right now, but I know it will.

  24. Written by: Mary | September 24th, 2008

    I'm 57 years old, married and had had painless sexual intercourse since age 18. However, when I went through menopause 15 yrs. ago, vaginal dryness & thinning of the walls, and low libdo kicked in. When we did try intercourse, I was feeling such intense burning...we quit. Just recently I was correctly diagnosed with vaginismus by a female NP here in WA state, and referred to a physcial therapist who has helped via weekly sessions. But alas, I still have little desire for intercourse with my husband and the pain has returned. I know he misses intercourse, and I would like to experience this with him again. If any of you live in NC...I'd like to find a therapist in the Charlotte NC area and resume treatment.

  25. Written by: Ali | September 30th, 2008

    to Mary: This isn't Charlotte but there is a doctor in Chapel Hill named Dr. John Steege who works for the University of Chapel Hill. He works in the "Division of Laproscopy and Pelvic Pain" at the Hospital of UNC. I know its a bit of a drive, but its probably worth it!

  26. Written by: joka | November 1st, 2008

    how can treat my self i;m 26 years old from egypt i married from one year what can i do?ar,i never make sex with my husband since we have married

  27. Written by: NIDHI | November 11th, 2008

    hi, i have been married for 8 months. initially we tried to have sex.but i acould not allow penetration as it was painful and cuased a burning sensation. i have hope after reading this website. i am going to order the self help kit.

  28. Written by: Neha C | November 19th, 2008

    hi..well ive been married for three years and had an unconsummated marriage.although i had heard about vaginismus i was in denial the last three years thinking that maybe its a problem which will go away on ur own.I even went for surgery with no conducive outcome..I was on the verge of losing all hope when through an internet search for vaginal dilators i bumped into ur website.It was indeed heartwarming.I researched it for hours and immediately ordered the vaginismus self help treatment kit.When i went through your book i wept because for the first time i felt someone empathize with what i've been through.I have started the treatment and within ten days have progressed to the second dilator and am feeling tremendously confident..I cant wait to give u all the good news once we get there.thanks once again.

  29. Written by: Bunga | November 23rd, 2008

    Hi, I'm from Indonesia. My husband and I have been married for almost a year now, and we never had sex before. From the very first night we tried to have sex, there were always problem with inserting his 'property' into mine and both of us were very confused and also didnt have the courage to consult to the doctor (sex is a taboo thing in our country). then I search at the internet and found out about vaginismus and I forced my husband to go to the OBGYN for a help. Indeed, the doctor was very very unhelpful and rude toward my complaint!! We got even more and more confuse and sad. until today, my husband found this site and it's very relieving to read that vaginismus is actually very high treatable. we become optimist again. thanks a lot!

  30. Written by: info1 | November 24th, 2008

    Hi Bunga, Thank you for your comment. I would love to email with you about your questions if you'd like. I tried to send an email to you already, but it didn't go through. You can reach me at help@vaginismus.com. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service

  31. Written by: JD | December 6th, 2008

    Mary - Do you have a recomendation for the therapist in WA state? I am looking for one in the Seattle are

  32. Written by: PCG | December 15th, 2008

    Hi,I have been unsuccessful in having penetration with my girlfriend and as a result took it upon myself to research to see if i could find some answers. I came across this wonderful website and have found it extremely helpful. I am 99% sure my girlfriend fits into these categories and I really want to help. I have two questions that I would be greatful if u could answer; (1) On average how long does it take to overcome this condition with the help of your dilator treatment kit? (2) I havent told her about the website or the term Vaginismus because I am afraid of upsetting her but I really want to stand by her and get through this together. Should I tell her? Thank you so much!

  33. Written by: Hopeful | December 17th, 2008

    Wow... after all these years of feeling "something just isn't right down there" it took this site for me to see that I am NOT the only woman in this world that is suffering from this. Man I had plain giving up on everything, even on God. I was taught I could do ALL things through Christ that strengthens me, however this seemed to be impossible even for him. I know thats not right to say but that is really how I felt.. I have prayed for what felt like eternity I even had the procedure called hymenectamy and I thought that I had been delivered.I wasn't so I had lost my faith, mainly as a result of very few sources of info and what seemed to be no cure at all. I have had so many relationships turn sour and end because of this and my current boyfriend of 4 in a half years is next. He was sooo happy about the procedure as he just knew all his patience wasn't in vain, and of course he was disappointed to find the same results. Now my relationship is really on the "fritts" he has one foot and half of the other out the door. I told him we really He need to see other people I don't blame him the least little bit though. Now I have a friend Im very attracted to and he is me very much so BUT what is the point. I can't even explain my situation to him when I tried one time he swore I was lying he said " you've lived with a man all these years there's no way you all aren't having sex" so thats that. I know that I have to find a way to end our friendship now or he will later he's already frustrated. I just want to curl up in a box and die this is the most frustrating thing in the world to have all these emotions and cant do NOTHING about. He keeps asking me, why do we get this far and then you just stop, he thinks its him. Just this morning he called to ask, " why wont you have sex with me" like he thinks I'm teasing him on purpose . I want to just go run and hide forever. One I googled everything I could about painful intercourse and everything relating. I came across this site read some of the reviews and ordered the kit I figured what did I have to loose. Well it came Monday and I've started to read an watched the DVD. Tonight I will start the relaxation exercises and just see what happens. I am trying to stay very positive because after all this is it, it just has to work. It does however feel good to at least know Im not the only and others have overcome . Please pray for me as I will all of you , that we all will overcome and have victory.

  34. Written by: hopeful's supporter | December 17th, 2008

    Hopeful, God won't put anymore on you than you can handle. I know this has been a struggle for you but just keep trusting and believing that a change will soon come. No matter what the problem, great or small He can solve it. I know its a hard to deal with, but it will get better!!!

  35. Written by: notsexyet | December 25th, 2008

    I am thankful that I found this site. I have been married for almost 2yrs. Both of us have been dating since we were in our teens (we petted but never had sex, wanted to keep it till we got married) so when sex didnt happen on our honeymoon, it was kinda dissappointing but thankfully, we still did have a great honeymoon. Over the past 1yr+, thgs have been great w/o sex...we are not ready to have a baby yet so not having sex is the kinda our best contraception method. However, now that we plan to try for a baby next year, we hope to be able to finally consumate. I am getting your product and I really hope it can help me, the way it has helped the other ladies here. Both of us have been through this together, w/o no one else knowing, not even our parents or best frens. So we hope this works so that no one else has to know

  36. Written by: iwntsex | December 29th, 2008

    After viewing this sight i have realised im not the only one in the world with this problem so thank you very much, I am 20 and have tried to have sex several times but now i dont even want to go out incase i fancy somebody and cant have sex its to embarrasing and i really refuse to go to the doctor are there any other ways of curing this without medical help? thank you

  37. Written by: Mrs Z | January 9th, 2009

    i can't belive i've finally ordered the kit and realised i wasn't alone in this!.. i've been married for over 3 years now and we haven't consumated the mariage yet due to my condition. we went throuh all the stages from shock to blame to anger to doubt.. from persistent emotional pressure to total avoidance.. now that we live in different countries, the pressure to do anything about it is very limited, but it still comes up in our phone conversations and we start riding the guilt train! my only at the moment concern is the breaking of the hymen as i come from a Middle Eastern culture, where so-caled 'proof' of virginity is of upmost importance. i'm worried that if i start using the kit, the hymen will break but no blood would appear, and therefore, no proof. i thought of starting this with my husband so that he could know that it's my first time and i'm a virgin-- sounds silly i know, but that's how things are. i don't know what to do now. any advice on this matter would be deeply appeciated. Thank you!

  38. Written by: Ledoo | January 27th, 2009

    I need your help guys to confirm my understanding, while I am writing this comment my wife is sleeping and she is trying to avoid any sex with me because she always feel pain and we had 3 surgery with no success and you are my last hope, I can’t imagine that this kind of dilators will fix the issue

  39. Written by: christina | February 18th, 2009

    I thank you for all the advise and also want to share my problem with you because I need help. I have never enjoyed sex in my life, my guy does everything for me to feel happy but I don't, I really need help from this website. Thank you. and God bless you for the good work you are doing in thei lives of women.

  40. Written by: Cindy | February 20th, 2009

    I am so glad my condition has a name, I thought I was a freak of nature. I'm 18 and have never been able to have sex because it's like he hits a brick wall. I went to my GP, but she just said it's a mental thing and I need to figure out my problem, but that wasn't a lot of help. It's been so embarrassing not being able to be in a relationship because I know I'd have to refuse them sex. I've always been jealous when really young people talk about their sex lives, when they don't even care about the other person. How could they do it and not me? Reading above comments, and reviews on the help kit, I am definitely going to order it and hope I'm cured, this has been hanging over me for a while, and I'm so thrilled that this site offers such good help and advice - as many doctors still don't know enough about this condition. Thank you most sincerely.

  41. Written by: sandy, australia | February 23rd, 2009

    I am 21 & my partner & I have been together for 2 years. We have tried in excess of 15 times & every time we try, he can't get in there. He has used his fingers to try to "loosen" me up a little, but even 2 fingers is far too painful for me. We love eachother very much but I feel as though if I don't do something soon, he will leave me. I am so glad to see that I am not the only one in the world with this condition! I now feel hopeful.

  42. Written by: teeta | February 24th, 2009

    i have been having a crap time this past year.... i have been battling depression and feel like im losing the battle. my bf has been supportive and very patient, my sex drive has decreased greatly and had started avoiding having sex because i felt uncomfortable and just didnt feel like it, then each time we did it just felt like it was getting harder and harder for anything to happen and was becoming quite painful. i went to my doctor to see what was going on and was diagnosed with vagisnimus. im only 19 and things just feel like theyre getting worse. however with the support of my partner and doctor i hope it gets better, it just feel overwhelming at the moment and i dont know where to start. i wish the best of luck to every other woman experiencing this problem and its encouraging to see evryones feedback and knowing im not the only one

  43. Written by: info1 | February 24th, 2009

    Hi Cindy, Thank you for your comment. We would love to help you in any way that we can, so if you want to discuss this further, you can email at help@vaginismus any time. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service

  44. Written by: info1 | February 24th, 2009

    Hi Sandy, Thank you for your comment. We would love to help you in any way that we can, so if you want to discuss this further, you can email at help@vaginismus any time. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service

  45. Written by: Tonia Craig | March 1st, 2009

    i just order the kit today. Hopefully it will help. It always hurts when the boyfriend tries to enter in. I thought it was me . the pain goes away while having sex but it is always the fear of the him entering because it was so painful. i glad to see i am not along. I going try the kit and be committed to the kit.

  46. Written by: Just Me | March 3rd, 2009

    After a year and two months of marriage, I still hadn't had intercourse. I thought he was "too big," or maybe I was "too small." I discovered this site and ordered the kit. Within two months, I had done the exercises, read the material, and used two of the four dilators. My husband ended up leaving me (For totally unrelated reasons) and my progress was put on hold. I didn't really have a reason to continue with the kit. Plus, he didn't pack my kit with my things. Anyway, last month, I went to Fascinations and got a vibrator that's the size of an average penis. After 8 days of working on it, I got it completely in. Sometimes I bleed when I do it, but it's becoming easier. There's still a certain point that's painful to get past, but it's getting better. Anyway, I just want to say that there IS hope. Also, there's more to sex than just intercourse. My ex husband and I enjoyed outercourse a lot. You can do everything else that goes with sex and have a great time doing it. I've always been able to wear tampons, so my case isn't as bad as some, but it's still Vaginismus. I have a boyfriend now (We're Christians, so we don't believe in sex outside of marriage) and I'll eventually tell him about my condition. Assuming we end up getting married, I won't want to spring it on him on our wedding night... But, I know that with time and patience, we'll be able to have intercourse. In the meantime, we'll have awesome outerourse. I can orgasm at the drop of a hat and that is a bigger deal to me than intercourse.

  47. Written by: Sarks | March 9th, 2009

    Im 22 yrs old, and I've never been able to have sex. I've been with my partner for almost 4 years and we have tried over and over for over 2 years to have sex. I think we have been through every excuse possibe--whenever we have tried having sex its just so so incredibly painful for me I have to stop him. A couple of months ago after some research on the net we came across vaginismus. I am hoping that this is the answer to our problem. Im making a gyno appt tomorrrow, and I think I am going to order the dialators. My fiance is almost certain that this is what is wrong - the symptoms fit, he has been very understanding - I dont think most men would stick around in a sexless relationship for over 4 years. His birthday is in November, I hope that I will be able to show my love for him in the way we have been trying to for the past few years. Thank you so much for your very informative site, and the stories from people. I've always been scared that I would never be able to have sex. This has given me some hope.

  48. Written by: kadie | April 3rd, 2009

    I started to cry when I first stumbled on this site. I thought I was a freak or something. I've tried to research it in the library and in book stores only to find small inserts in books and no real information on it. It bothers me there isn't more awareness and other girls are out there wondering what is wrong with them.

  49. Written by: relieved | April 28th, 2009

    I just want to give my sincerest thanks to the team who put this web site together. Thank you for taking the time to put this material out there for us. It has been extremely helpful and what a relief to know I'm not alone and that this is a real condition that can be treated! I am overcome with tears right now as I read through the stories and comments. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  50. Written by: miley | May 21st, 2009

    i ve been married 4 de past 6 months n havent been able 2 consumate my marriage ,... thank god 4 this site now i know wat my probez is ... ll surely seek help ... thank you so much

  51. Written by: Kendra | June 3rd, 2009

    I always felt that I was the only one dealing with this, but I'm so happy I found this site. I can't wait to start treatment! Thank you very much for this information.

  52. Written by: Ashley | June 16th, 2009

    Well, first off, I'm 18 years old, and I lost my virginity to the guy I was in love with at 17 with not a single problem. It was pleasurable and I never felt a pain. We've been broken up for about a year, and now I'm with a new guy who I love and want to be with sexually but can't be because of near-to-impossible penetration. I was so confused, and my boyfriend actually found me this website. My problem is, I want to treat it because I want a sexual relationship with my boyfriend, but I'm so young that I feel sort of silly doing it. Please help!!!

  53. Written by: Jen | June 30th, 2009

    I'm a spiritual woman and believe you should wait to have sex until marriage. So when I got married two years ago, I thought sex was going to be the wonderful thing and then my husband and I soon realized that this wasn't going to be possible after months of tried with no real penetration and seeing my gynecologist I basically just gave up and turned to the alternatives of oral sex. For two years I just avoided the problem because I hate doctors and when I went to one she asked me if i WANTED to have sex with my husband. OF COURSE I DO. This problem has come up again due to the fact that we desperately want to have a child and we've been trying for the last two months with me basically gritting my teeth through the pain. I think God has answered my prayers today. I ordered your treatment and I am desperately praying that this will work for me. We want very much to have a sexual relationship and have children. I've very hopeful now and I hope you do everything you can to spread the word about this. MANY gynecologists have no idea how to handle this. THank you so much.

  54. Written by: Charmaine | July 2nd, 2009

    I can't explain how I feel having found this article about vaginismus. I bought a magazine that I do not usually buy and when I got home decided to flick through it before I started dinner. I found the article and burst into tears. I am almost 37 and have two children (both conceived by my husband masturbating and ejaculating into the entrance of my vagina!) I thought I was alone in what I have been going through my whole life. I was a really small child (about 2) when they discovered that my urethra had closed and had to surgically open it. I had six of these operations before I was 10. Now it was not only the surgery that was painful, but the examinations too. In fact, I think that is what started all of this. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and together for 6. He is so supportive and he is so gentle. I look forward to finally being intimate with him without feeling like I am making excuses "again"!

  55. Written by: Alex | July 8th, 2009

    (I posted about my situation on here a while ago just as I started getting help for my problem) I had vaginismus ever since I started having sex at the age of 16. A year later me and my boyfriend saw a psychosexual therapist. The pain has gone, but my complete lack of sensation internally is still there, however externally I can feel pleasure, so its not likely to be nerve damage. It's been over a year now since we've been to sessions at hospital, and we've basically been told that there's no hope.. Nobody knows what is wrong with me, so all I can do is wait. As me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years, and sexually active for just over 2, this is hard hitting.. I can't stop thinking about it, but all the while I feel helpless.. The therapist asked me why this problem bothers me so much, I couldnt say much through my tears but 'my confidence, I guess' and in a sentence he hit it right on the head 'You feel broken, as though you're not functioning as a real woman'.. More needs to be done about this, The pain itself is common and can be helped using dialators as a cure (it worked for me) but I have yet to find help about my absence of sensation...If anyone can help, please post a response on here..

  56. Written by: maanosj | July 8th, 2009

    what is the success rate of treatment.i need genuine answer

  57. Written by: erinr | July 14th, 2009

    Im just so upset and lost...I feel like a alien, I mean I see all of the other testimony but it really has not hit hard that this problem is universal..Ive watched videos and tried to arouse myself and stick a dildo in..in hopes that It will slide in finally without the pressure and pain...No success..Ive even suggested to my significant other that maybe I should get drunk pass out and see iff he cant penetrate me in that state...Of course he thinks that ludacris...Im desperate for a cure..Ill try the dialators

  58. Written by: Name | July 18th, 2009

    I was married for eight years and never had sex. He was physically abusive with a violent temper while we were dating, but I "thought he would change" after we were married. Anyway, it is a very long story. I re-married two years later - I told my "new" husband about my problem before we were married. He was very gentle with me - we have two beautiful children and things are great. Please don't give up on getting help!!!

  59. Written by: Egel | July 20th, 2009

    I dont know where to start. For years I have suffered with painful sex. I was diagnosed with thrush over a year ago and never been right since. Everytime I would have sex I would get the same pain and think it had come back but after seein that many doctors, gn they refered me to a physhco sexual therapist who diagnosed me with vaginismus. I am glad I know what it is now so everytime i try and have sex I don;t think it is the trush back. For months now me and my bf have tried to have sex building it up gradually and I feel much happier and relaxed and the pain is not as bad it seems to be getting easier......seeing this therapist is making me worse. I am sick when i have o visit her, i don't eat, and it is making me not even want to go by my bf. Now to me I feel like I am going backwards not forwards. I am considering stop seeing today her as it is my body and I need to be relaxed in my own way, so what is this telling me as I am so confused. Your myths say you cannot treat it like that but my therapist is making me worse. What do I do...help I am going today??????

  60. Written by: Linda | August 28th, 2009

    I had a rectocele about 8 yrs ago and my husband and I have had very limited sex I am in so much pain. I have gotten a set of dilators at my gyns office but when I try to use even the smallest one of them I hit a brick wall thank you for this web site and saying how important it is to have instruction on how to use a dilator I am so lost thank you

  61. Written by: Lavanya | September 10th, 2009

    Im 24 and i hv nvr had sexual intercourse despite trying once wid my exbf... But the entering into my vagina process itself was too painful so we decided not to pursue... Since then hvin sex b4 marriage was out of the topic... And the underlying factor (unconsciously) had been pain.. However, i am a sexually active person who keeps myself active in other means (mastrubate)... Aft 4 yrs i entered into a rship and we hv decided to tie the knot. I am very comfortable wid him and i din mind tryin intercourse, only to realise the pain was still there.. I cud insert finger however i felt no pleasure... My bf felt smething was wrong. He (who is not a virgin) said sex is not supposed to be painful except for the 1st time (since im a virgin). Aft googling on the net i realised i might be hving this medical condition - vaginismus. This site has been an eye opener. If i had not knwn i'd probably think im juz too small or the pain will go away wid practice. He has been extremely supportive and i will be seeing the gyne b4 making the next move. Thank you so much for educating women like me thru ur website...

  62. Written by: Name | September 25th, 2009

    I am currently undergoing treatment for this condition with a sex therapist and also a physical therapist. My husband and I are making process, and what I always thought of as impossible... I see is very much possible. Please try the treatments, it is hard...but well well worth it! I am 26, and I have a few months left in my treatments. If I can overcome...anyone can!

  63. Written by: Purvi | October 20th, 2009

    I have been married for almost 2 years and our marriage is as yet unconsummated. I came across this website recently and believe this to be the reason behind our problem. I am going to try a couple of other things first, but if those do not work, I will definitely bring this up to my OB/GYN. My husband is very loving and supportive, so I consider myself lucky. I can't wait to get the problem fixed so that we can start trying to have a child. :)

  64. Written by: AQ | October 24th, 2009

    I'm in Africa Tanzania. I would like to start a treatment but with a help of a doctor. Can you refer me to any hospital with this experience in my country-TANZANIA. I'll be very happy.

  65. Written by: MP | November 3rd, 2009

    excellent information and empathetic attitude........ thanks a lot......

  66. Written by: Zmith | November 23rd, 2009

    I am the partner of someone with vaginismus. To Ledoo and anyone out there thinking along those lines - "...we had 3 surgery with no success and you are my last hope, I can’t imagine that this kind of dilators will fix the issue" The dilators definitely can't fix the issue. I wish they weren't called dilators, because it's not about "making the hole bigger". It's about gaining awareness and understanding of your pelvic floor sensations and contractions, and then EVENTUALLY, down the line, control excess tension in your pelvic floor, to the point where when you get excited you can go with the feeling and enjoy intercourse (on YOUR own terms) without tensing up involuntarily. You can't force it - you have to work with your body and your feelings, not against them. You can't do it mainly to please a partner, save a marriage, "be normal", etc. It can be a long, complicated, frustrating, intense process. As a partner of someone going through it, don't put goal oriented pressure on the process - "it's only worth it if I get to have intercourse with you in the end". Encourage her to enjoy the process of learning about her body and her responses, of being able to enjoy more and more sensations - like fingers or other smaller things inserted, maybe, or other types of stimulation - along the way. Take away the shame and pressure that comes with being hung up on having "proper sex" and you're half way there!

  67. Written by: Kapri | November 26th, 2009

    It's such a relief that there are others out here with my problem,I have been with my bf for 2 years and we are never succesful at having sex. I begin to scream and cry in pain and my self esteem is very low because of this problem. It's like any day I feel like he is going to leave me because of this even though i have his 100% support. Is there any way I can complete this program without the assistance of a doctor?

  68. Written by: howie | December 8th, 2009

    I have been married more than four years now. I truely believe that my wife suffers from vaginismus. The problem is that she refuses to discuss the problem let alone try to get help for it. I love her more than anything but she pushes me away constantly so that I don't try to have sex with her. I want to be able to touch her and even have sex but I want her to enjoy it and she doesn't. How can I help her without talking about it. She refuses to talk about it and even gets very angry when I try. We have had sex and even though most of the time it is "horrible just horrible" (her words not mine) I truely believe there have been times that she did enjoy at least some of it. I was a virgin when we got married so I don't know what sex should be like but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be like this. What do I do?

  69. Written by: frustrated | December 9th, 2009

    Iv been married over 2 years and have never been able to have intercourse with my husband. Its caused alot of stress and strain on our marriage. at the moment i am desparate to have this problem fixed as i dont think our marriage can hold out any longer. i know this isnt fair on my husband, although he tries to understand but at times he can become really frustrated and say some mean things... whatever he says is true though! i am the problem! he will even tell me at times that me not allowing him to 'enter' me is a sin on me, in our religion its wrong to go 4 months without sexual intercourse and we have went over 2 years. This makes me feel real down, however i know in my heart that i cannot be sinned for something i have no control over. i just wish i was normal. Although my husband can become very frustrated i know he loves me and will never leave me, however i dont think i can handle this anymore, sometimes i feel like ending the marriage as its getting too much for me and i know its unfair on him. I would like to try the treatment however i dont think i have the time, patience or support. Is there any other solution? does hypnosis work?

  70. Written by: Marie | December 9th, 2009

    I believe that I have this problem. I am 33 and have been married for 2.5 years. We have a toddler as well. Our marriage has disintegrated a bit over the last year. I think my not being able to have sex is a large part of it. Before we were married he said he was fine with it, but I think he is getting frustrated and that it damages his self esteem. I have never had a healthy view of sex. I am not sure where it comes from and it started when I was very young. I don't think my own mother has seen me naked since I was about 4 years old. I always thought sex was dirty and kinda weird. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 27 and that was just so I could get it over with (although it was fun and a good experience). I feel very immature that I have this attitude. We are currently seeing a therapist to help with our marriage, but I will bring this up at our next session and hopefully she can help me view sex in a different light. Just to clarify, when we are in the moment I very much want to try intercourse, but I think my feeling of it being dirty stops me and shuts the door. I feel ashamed. It has got worse over the course of our 5 year relationship, I think we have actually had intercourse only about 20 times. Our baby was very planned. The door doesn't completely shut but as time goes on its closing more and more. I thought having a vaginal birth would help, but it hasn't. I'm thinking and hoping mine is purely a bad sexual attitude and not physical...hopefullt the therapist can help me.

  71. Written by: dillys | December 15th, 2009

    thanks for the site, i use to enjoy sex very much but this has changed after taking a drug.im now married and i have this problem now,i will see a doctor soon but i would also want some help.my partner understands it and is not pushing.

  72. Written by: VaginismusGone :) | December 27th, 2009

    I have been Married for 4 years struggling with this very lonely condition. It is difficult to build a marriage when the lack of intimacy eats away at the relationship. Believe me..my husband has stood by me physically but he had emotionally checked out of the marriage. I realized two things that have changed my life. I am now able to have sex with my husband and reach an organism during sex. THERE IS HOPE!!!!Here are the two KEY areas I had to accept. 1)I needed to be more turned on by him. 2) I needed to expect entry..anticipate feeling good and open myself up physically. It sounds so simple...but after years of physical and psychological therapy, thousands of dollars and so many tears..I have found a HUGE light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there ladies..and be determined to relax and ask your man to turn YOU on.

  73. Written by: Lillian | February 3rd, 2010

    I got married 2 years ago and my husband and I have not been able to have sex because of Vaginismus. I did not know a name for it until today and am so relieved to find hope for fixing this problem. I feel like we have had a healthy sex life because we have other forms of sex 2-5 times a week, but we both deeply desire to have vaginal penetration. I am looking forward to trying the dilators and books you have developed to help people like me.

  74. Written by: KL | February 14th, 2010

    I am 21 and went to my first gynecologist visit about a month ago. I was nervous because I had never been able to use tampons and alot of times, sex would be uncomfortable because it felt like my boyfriend would "hit a wall" down there. My doctor just kept telling me to relax. No luck. She told me to try using tampons and come back in a month. Tried tampons one more time with the same results. It was comforting to find this website and know that I'm not alone. I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow and I'm and more nervous than I was last time. I'm looking for ways to relax and trying to stay positive that this time will go better.

  75. Written by: Gracie | June 25th, 2010

    It all makes sense now... As a teenager, I'd never been able to insert a tampon and I thought I was doing something wrong. At my first pelvic exam when I was 21, the doctor was unable to complete the exam because I had an unusually thick hymen. I felt better knowing it wasn't just "me". In preparation for a spring break trip to the beach, I decided to use a mirror and insert a tampon. I managed, but when I went to pull it out, it had enlarged and it got stuck on the hymen. Mortified, I used a mirror and scissors on a small part of my hymen to get the tampon out - a terrible experience (and probably a really bad idea in hindsight)! A few years later, after one unsuccessful attempt, I managed to have painful sex in spite of the thick hymen. Then a new pain emerged. My husband & I just assumed it was something left over from the thick hymen, but looking back I wonder if it really was Vaginismus. Several months later, we managed to get past it. Fast forward several more years: 5 months after having a baby girl, I was having increasing pain (burning & tightness) whenever we attempted intercourse. I scheduled an exam with my OBGYN, and she diagnosed it as Vaginismus and sent me to this site. It explains so much! I hope now my husband & I can move forward towards having pain-free sex again (and more babies, too!).

  76. Written by: Hope | June 28th, 2010

    Thanks for the info. I had a baby without intercourse and my girl is now 6 years old. my husband n I never had sex n we are virgins. He thought it's his problem because he is too fat and I thought it was my problem because we didn't " practise" enough. We became insecure n always quarrelled. Now I will find help. Thanks for the info on vaginismus.

  77. Written by: Hope | June 28th, 2010

    Perhaps I should explain more. I was pregnant 2 months after getting married n we didn't have intercourse. We had a miracle baby n thought having a baby was easy. During our second n third year, we seldom try having sex as I was breastfeedimg n no interest due to tiredness. My hubby was a workoholic n thinking he was fat, also avoided trying sex. During the 4th year, we tried once in a while but unsuccessful. He blamed me cos he thought I find him fat n ugly. He became insecure n thought I may find another man to have sex. On my part, I started to blame him for not practicing sex n I became insecure too. On one occasion, I happened to find out that his boss told him to find another wife. I was upset but I kept quiet n I started to check on him. Then I caught him flirting with his colleagues n I thought it was really unfair cos I am trying n he not putting effort. We quarreled many times. I wanted another child n suggested we seek help from gynae. He felt that we must let nature takes it'd course. He refused to go. Then I wanted to give up n try IVF. He disagreed too. Guess what? My gynae hinted to me that men will go for affairs if they don't have sex n suggest I get mentally prepared. I was breaking down. Nothing is helping. I can't have sex and another child. Then I came across this website n realized that I have some of the symptoms . I am unable to have pap smear but I don't feel Amy pain when trying sex. Now I suspect I have vaginismus. Thanks for the info. I have decided that even if one day my husband leaves me, I must solve this problem of mine. Afterall, nobody can help me but myself. I am glad there are so many ladies out there who can't have sex like me n have succeeded. Thanks for all the sharing. Now I know I am not alone.

  78. Written by: Depressed | June 28th, 2010

    I am so grateful that I discovered this website and this condition. I believe that I have a rather severe form of Primary Vaginismus. I remember going to the pool with my friends in middle school and not being able to swim due to a heavy period. We went to the store and bought tampons for me to try and I went through the entire box with none of them even being able to make it into my vagina. My friends were confused as to how I could "fail" to put a tampon in and told me I just didn't know how to do it. A couple weeks ago I tried again (I'm 18 now) for a friend's pool party and had the same upsetting results. It would burn and hurt when I tried to insert it. I have also never been able to be fingered by my boyfriend. He and I have both tried numerous times and even the pinky barely goes in and then hurts and burns. He tried inserting his penis the other day (with a condom just in case it worked) and it did not go in at all. It was like it was simply hitting a wall. Even when I got on top and tried to go down I was unable to and still got the same burning sensation. I felt so depressed and alone. This website makes me feel a lot better and I plan on seeing a doctor about this sometime this week. I hope that my doctor will listen to me and I can work towards finally fixing this. I would love to be able to go swimming anytime I want and to maybe finally be able to orgasm. Good luck to all <3

  79. Written by: Ina | June 30th, 2010

    I just got married 3 weeks ago... I'm a virgin but he was married before. Was quite depressed when I was unable to consumate my marriage during my honeymoon period. It could go in a bit but was very painful. I thought that first time sex was supposed to be painful. Quite depressing to think that I am not normal. After that my menses came and we stop trying for a week. We really thought that after that would be okay to try again.. but after a few times trying, it became harder. Coz my body was just expecting the same pain. And it became worst till he told me that he can't insert anymore. I discovered this condition after much research and also this website. Have not tried the kit but I do hope that I could overcome this fear. Although I am not sure how could I insert the dilator by myself when he can't insert his penis?

  80. Written by: kathryn | July 1st, 2010

    I want to know if...I can still have anal sex even if I have this problem? My sister and I were talking about it yesturday and she brought anal sex up. Would vaginismus also effect my butt muscles?

  81. Written by: deedee | July 13th, 2010

    I'm only 20 but have been in a close relationship for the last three years. Around two years ago however, sex became painful, and impossible, and I searched and searched for answers and finally came across this. Also went to see a (female) doctor, and after an examination which had me shouting and cussing and crying, she diagnosed me with vaginismus. She said I needed to see a sex therapist with my partner. But my partner won't do it, and he believes that if we just keep pushing it'll work. He keeps bringing it up, asking me to try, and then looking upset when I'm reluctant. I can't help thinking that he should find a new girlfriend.

  82. Written by: Melanie Cartel | July 27th, 2010

    I had suffered Vaginismus & had never had full intercourse. I believed I was alone & that there was simply nothing I could do. However I was in a relationship of one year & my partner was getting continually frustrated, I even felt it would be his right to seek sex elsewhere, as I could not provide it & it was unfair that he went without, although this went against everything I believed in. One day I just felt I am going to have to try & deal with this, so I started to research my condition & realised it was Vaginismus. After coming across this site I decided to buy the cones, so that I could at least try them in the privacy of my own home. At first I felt it would take forever, but I didn't give up. I used the cones every day & kept a diary, eventually after the fourth cone, I knew I could accommodate a full sized penis & went on to have intercourse with my boyfriend, all in the space of one month. I only wish I would have researched my condition earlier, because as soon as I knew what it was, I went on to treat it very quickly. Now it seems that the 15 years of no sex really didn't need to be!

  83. Written by: Name | August 28th, 2010

    I saw this study of vaginismus on the tyra show, and have been so worried and anxiety ridden since the episode so iv finally looked it up today,this site has answered so many questions and im very greatful.i want a further diagnosis but i know in my heart i have it. im only 16 and i dont want to have sex,but iwant the option. iv come close and wanted to once and penetration was impossible the pain was unbareable and him entering me was out of the question.i use to be depressed about never being able to have intercourse and not finding a man who will accept me or being able to start a family. i really hope the treatments work

  84. Written by: Name | September 16th, 2010

    I'm completely overwhelmed on finding this website. Been married for four years and not been able to have sex. It is a relief to know that I'm not alone. Just reading the words "..is highly treatable" brought tears to my eyes. I'm just skeptical about how to insert these dilators..isn't it the same problem of the "brick wall"???

  85. Written by: Debby | October 17th, 2010

    I am so happy to have found this site! Cannot believe I have been struggling for 11 years of marriage. I was 45 when I got married and sex has mostly been painful for me, my wedding night, although wonderful was really painful, I thought it was normal, had to keep running to the loo for days after that and it contined to be sore for about 6 months then got better, until I had major abdominal surgery again (had had 2 ops the year before I got married as well, hysterectomy being one)2 years ago and since then it has become really bad, so much so that I cannot stand for my husband to even touch me anywhere including my face. I am small, he is big, I am frightened and do not want to keep frustrating him and harming my marriage, I do want intimacy with him. I need help so desperately but live in SA, what is the best you can advise me on please! Desperately needing help to be normal!

  86. Written by: broken | December 2nd, 2010

    I'm 28 and I also have this problem. I had a bike injury that caused me to bleed when I was in 6th grade. I also grew up in a family where sex was dirty, shameful, and not talked about. I also remember seeing films as a child that involved sexual abuse and rape. I think my issues could be both psychological and physical trauma.

  87. Written by: Depressed | December 2nd, 2010

    I am 32 years old and I think I have this proble becase I would definately like to get married and start a family. However I stay up nights wondering how is this possible when I get anxiety attacks just trying to insert my pinky finger into my vagina, I tried several times with tampons and that was unsuccessful, gym exams left me severly traumatized with the doctor not being able to successfully insert even the smallest speculum in me. I felt so ashamed and thought I was a freak. I really want experience an intimate relationship and the miracle of childbirth but how is this going to be possible if I cannot successfully be penetrated? I am looking forward to getting problem dealt with and resolved because I really want to have a happy life. I really get depressed when I see all my friends are able to have relationships and children and I am the only one who is stuck. I chose not to be in a relationship mostly becase of this reason. I am so desparate I will take any advice I can get. I cry every night and would love to overcome this severely distressing problem.

  88. Written by: yungyung | December 10th, 2010

    i am 21 years old. i have had this problem for the past year and a half. my gyno was not very helpful on treatments she told me to just google it and i would find treatment ways. it is very hard to have pain while having sex, its upsetting and super emotional. i need to start to treatments..just a little scared to.

  89. Written by: Megan | December 17th, 2010

    I am 18 years old, and have been sexually active since I was 14. I never had problems with pain during sex until about 8 months ago, which was also when I developed generalized anxiety disorder. I really feel that this disorder has led to vaginismus, and I cannot wait to get the money to buy the books from this website! I miss my amazing sex life with my boyfriend who I love. It puts such a strain on our relationship when we have to stop having sex before he can even fully penetrate me because the pain is so unbearable. What is also upsetting is the fact that most doctors have no idea what vaginismus is. I've been going to my gyn off and on for MONTHS trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Thank you so much for the informative website!

  90. Written by: Morgan | January 26th, 2011

    Hello, I am 16 and have been experiencing vaginal pain for years now, and its been getting worse. I am not able to wear tampons, and getting examined at the gynecologist's is painful. They have tested me for STDs and urinary tract infections. I have been ignored and turned down multiple times by multiple gynos. I feel like they assume that because I am so young and have had sex before that I don't know what I'm talking about and am just naive. I have had sex only once, and at a very young age. It was very painful and traumatic and I have been looking into conditions that I may have from sexual trauma when I found out about vaginismus. I was wondering that although it revolves around painful sex, could it also contribute to my pain even though I'm not having sex? Talking about and hearing about sex and rape makes the pain increase itself, and even reading about in-detail vaginal pain or seeing diagrams of sex can make it hurt a bit. The pain is present often but triggered more by these sort of things. Also, even when I tried to put my finger in my vagina to check for anything that could've been wrong it burned and hurt even after I had taken out for some time. I will hopefully be seeing a different gynecologist soon, one that has been recommended to me and I plan on bringing up vaginismus because it makes the most sense to me, being that the pain feels like burning and tightness in my vaginal muscles. I was hoping that someone could give me some feedback on this and inform me on any other condition it could possibly be and to also help prepare with what I should say to the doctor when I go in to help bring up vaginismus and why it could be what I have. I also wanted to say thank you for your website, it has been very helpful.

  91. Written by: beverly tousignant | January 27th, 2011

    i have had vulvar vestibulties for 7 years and have tried anything and everything, including nerve blocks, i would like to find a doctor close to my area, i live in ironwood mi ,49938, if any body knows of a doctor or pain specialist please let mr know. thank you

  92. Written by: H | March 5th, 2011

    I am 25 and have just failed to complete my first smear. I have seen docs before who have told me to get drunk to have sex. Now I know that there is a REAL condition - it's not just me and I have a medical statement saying penetration is a no go without severe pain. Thank you for this helpful and insightful site, I am an overtly sexual being in my needs but unable to 'take care of them' due to this embarrassing condition. I attended my first S&M club at the young and curious age of 17 and yet... penetration still hurts! I have overcome body image issues and have no issues talking about sex, nor attempting it, yet it's still painful. Now I know it's not me - many normal, everyday women suffer with this and this in itself makes me feel better. I will pursue avenues and am eternally grateful for this website and your good advice. :-)

  93. Written by: lily | March 9th, 2011

    Im 20. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. We only tried to have sex about a year ago. It never worked, I am so discouraged. I feel like I can't do anything about it either. I know he won't leave me, he's been so understanding and patient with me. I'm so grateful for that. But I really want to be able to share our love together in that way... I hope that I will be able to overcome this fear... I wish everyone here the same. Good luck to us all.

  94. Written by: Madelaine | March 17th, 2011

    I'm a 41yr old Married mother of 2 who has been living with Vaginismus since I was diagnosed at 20yrs old. It has been a MAJOR struggle and has put a great strain on my marriage. My husband and I are still together and have been for 20yrs now but we are not truly happy because we are unable to really enjoy each other sexually. I want to overcome this but feel somewhat hopeless because I have yet to find a Doctor who is knowledgable about Vaginismus and experienced in treating women who have it. Those of you who have tried to seek out treatment know just how frustrating it can be. I'm hoping to find some help and support here. To you younger ladies I would say, PLEASE be diligent in seeking out treatment. Overcome this while your still young. I've been suffering with this for half of my life and I don't want that to be you.

  95. Written by: Elena | March 24th, 2011

    I don't know what to say, this Vaginismus really describe what happen to me. I'm 27, been married for 3years, and yet never have intercourse. At 1st i thought maybe i was just scared to have sex, but then after 2 years i know it must be something. i was so embarrassed to see a doctor, so i surf from internet. I thought i suffer from yeast infection (yes still have it). so i went to see a doctor. I really don't know how to describe my condition so i told her that i have yeast infection, and it's hurt when it come to sex. I was so disappointed when she shocked and ask, "You've been married for 2 years and NEVER have sex??? How your husband feel about that?" I really felt like crying :( it's cruel.. it's not that i didn't want to have sex. even me didn't know what happen to me. Then when it comes to treatment, she wanted to put the yeast antibiotic inside my vagina. I was relax when i saw she used a lubricant. But then there comes the pain. She told me relax, i tried but when it was halfway (she told me), i can't stand it, i scream out loud, it's so hurt i can't imagine. so she stopped. to make it short, she gave me antibiotics to consume. And when i ask her, when should i come again, she said "when you think its necessary". Then i knew, i would probably never go there again. So i started to seek treatment by traditional n internet. Until i found about this. Thank God, only people who suffer this knows how bad n shame is this. Thank you so much for sharing this. I will seek my treatment soon, somewhere else for sure. And i feel really relief to share my feelings.

  96. Written by: A | April 7th, 2011

    I'm 21 and have been trying to have sex with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I'm losing my confidence as a person. Instantly thinking that every other girl out there would be better for him than me. It's not helped that many doctor's I've been to have not seemed to take the condition very seriously. On a positive note I've managed to go from not being able to insert a finger to being able to be comfortable with 2 fingers. I've also finally got a place with a psychosexual therapist and hoping things are going to get better. It's a very lonely condition and so it's good to hear the stories of other women out there who are suffering. Good luck to everyone.

  97. Written by: N | April 13th, 2011

    I am so glad I've found information on this!I've been married for about 2 months now,and my husband and I have yet to consummate our marriage. I'm really lucky that my husband's been very understanding and patient about this. It's been really frustrating for us,and i was overwhelmed with shame and fear when we had numerous failed attempts at penetrative sex.now we know what we should do to improve our situation.thank you so much!

  98. Written by: K | April 23rd, 2011

    I was just recently diagnosed with vaginismus...had never heard of it before, but was hugely relieved to hear there are others out there that suffer as my husband and I do. I was referred to a physical therapist to start treatment. There are few therapits that provide this type of treatment, however for those interested its called pelvic floor and pelvic dysfuntion rehabilition. I've just started, but my therapist is super kind, knowledgeable on the condition, helpful, and patient! Try to find one in your area!

  99. Written by: J | May 7th, 2011

    Thank you for this website. When I first got my period when I was 13, I tried inserting a tampon but it just didn't go in. It hurt and I didn't want to try and insert it further because I was pretty scared... anyways, in my household, my sisters and my mother all use pads anyway so I never really thought about it further. I'm 18 now and when I was around 15/16, my friends often talked about their sex lives and getting fingered. I can only fit one of my fingers in and I tell myself over and over to relax so I can insert another but I felt so uncomfortable with the increasing burning sensation. I felt like such a freak. I recently stumbled upon this website and I'm so unbelievably grateful that I'm not the only one who suffers from this. I used to be afraid to get close to boys (I discovered something was "wrong with me" when I was 15) because I was scared of being embarrassed. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  100. Written by: Maria C. | June 2nd, 2011

    I have been suffering from vaginismus since I lost my virginity. I thought that I had an STD, a bacterial problem, or some other disability that could be diagnosed and fixed. But after 5 doctors, I have learned that I truly do have vaginismus. My condition has a direct link to emotional and physical abuse. I do pelvic floor massage to stretch the muscles but haven't had any success as of yet. I am begining to see a therapist to deal with my emotional distress. Does any one have any advice to see quicker results? I have been doing my pelvic floor and dialator exercises for 6 months and it hasn't got any better.

  101. Written by: Anna | July 4th, 2011

    This website has been incredibly helpful and reassuring for me as a vaginismus sufferer. I found out that I had vaginismus when I was only 18 after trying to have sex for the first time, I was scared and felt very alone and like I was somehow 'abnormal' to everyone else - until I found this website and the support it gives! Now two years on I am successfully on my way to curing my vaginismus with help from the dilator set (which i highly reccommend!!) and also a pelvic floor physio (she is worth her weight in gold, I would also reccommend pelvic floor physiotherapy to anyone with vaginismus). I can now say I am no longer a virgin and have had pain-free sex, just wanting to let everyone else out there that you are not alone and you shouldnt have to suffer in silence! This condition may seem impossible but it is very highly treatable and the treatment on here has been very successful for me. Thank you, it's been so great to read about the stories on here and to know that I'm not alone! Thanks!

  102. Written by: Starr | October 1st, 2011

    WOW!This site is a relief. I am a 37 year old virgin. I was told I have vaginismus 2 weeks ago. It just now settled in to brain that it is not my fault! I'm so thrilled my therapist suggested this site! I was given the dilator set, but it is missing the instruction manual. But I am figuring it out slowly but surely. Thanks!

  103. Written by: Davina | November 22nd, 2011

    I feel so alone and stupid as i have vaginimus and have tried the dilators but cant use them as it hurts and tried to have a smear test and couldnt cause it hurt and i was tense ihave had pysiothreapy and nothing seems to work and i dont know where to turm i am married and my husband is very supportive and understanding but we want kids and we havent had sex since we got married or since we been together i am 30 year old and have had this problem for over 10 years now, please help me.

  104. Written by: Nicole | December 26th, 2011

    Reading all these comments from other women just made me so emotional because I suffer from the same problems and it had been such a struggle. I am 20 years old and have tried having sex with a few people. Now that I've had a boyfriend for over a year it is beyond upsetting that I can not share intercourse with someone I love and plan on marrying. At first he was not very comforting about my situation. He is a virgin too and didn't understand what was the problem, even when I told him about vaginismus he said that its fake and I am not different from any other women. That obviously hurt to hear and made me feel so alone. Not to mention my gyno just said 'you are too young, sex is over rated anyways' ...I wanted to go off on her but I knew I would start crying. It is only women like you all that understand. I am buying the dilators from this site and pray to God that I can overcome all of this and the nightmare can finally end. Every women deserves to experience what we all have been told is the most beautiful experience once you find someone right. And no women deserves to feel alone and depressed because she feels she is broken and different from everyone else.

  105. Written by: Name | January 12th, 2012

    I am 19 years old and this is my story. I discovered that I had a problem when I was 17 years old while trying to have sex with my first serious boyfriend (whom I started dating at 15 years old) and it just did not work. I felt so much pain with his penis barely in me but seeing as it was both of our first times, I figured it was normal. A few days later, I tried using a tampon for the first time (thinking it would work considering it is much smaller than a penis) and the exact same thing happened. The pain I felt was unbelievably severe and I did not understand why my body was reacting this way. We tried having intercourse a couple of times again but nothing changed. I started to feel depressed about this so I went to see a gynecologist shortly after. The doctor assumed that I had a “thick hymen” so she scheduled a hymenectomy surgery for me a few weeks later. My boyfriend remained continuously supportive and comforting through this confusing and emotional time but a few months after the surgery, we ended the 3 year relationship due to issues not relating to this problem. We had never tried having sex again following the surgery because I was too afraid that it still wouldn’t work and I feared I would be more disappointed than ever. I tried ignoring my problem and never even tried inserting a tampon again. Despite having the surgery, I had a deep down feeling that I still had this problem. One day, I gathered up the guts to look up “painful sexual intercourse” on the internet and realized what my problem was called; vaginismus. I was 100% sure of it. I looked it up everyday day and I realized that it wouldn’t get fixed without professional treatment, but I still continued to ignore it. A few months later (at this point, I had just turned 18 years old), I started dating another guy. I knew sex would be in the near future but I never told him about my problem. The night we were about to have sex for the first time (he was a virgin, and so was I technically) I quickly warned him about my problem and that sexual intercourse might not be possible/sucessful. Regardless, I still had hope and had faith that the surgery fixed it. Nonetheless, sex still did not work. The pain I felt was the exact same as the first time I tried having sex about one year prior. I was totally embarrassed and ashamed but my boyfriend did not seem to mind and was very supportive. We continuously tried sexual intercourse and the more unsuccessful experiences we had, the more I felt depressed and feared he would get fed up and leave me. He never, to this day, expressed any negative attitudes about my problem and told me he would stay with me through every step of the way which made me feel very comforted and secure. It is VERY important to be in a relationship with someone while suffering with vaginismus who does NOT make you feel bad/ashamed/unwanted because of your issue. That would only make the matter WORSE. I am so very thankful and feel very lucky that my boyfriend has remained supportive and expressed unconditional love. Finally, I decided to see a different gynecologist and she diagnosed me with vaginismus (I was not surprised, obviously). Regardless all the love and support I felt from my boyfriend, I still chose to avoid this problem due to depressed feelings towards the fact that I considered myself “not normal”. I felt that this was totally unfair and did not understand why I had this problem .All my friends would tell me stories about having great sex lives while I listened in misery. After wallowing in self-pity for one more year, I finally decided to take a stand once and for all and see a sex therapist. I am about to turn 20 years old and I have been in therapy for 6 months now, and although I still feel discouraged and depressed at times, I have definitely noticed improvement with the exercises that I am advised to do at home (inserting my finger while learning how to release and control the tight muscles around my pelvic floor). They require a lot of time and concentration, but I have been trying my best. My boyfriend is now able to insert half of his penis, and although I still feel some pain during intercourse most of the time, it is bearable. Seeing this progress has made me hopeful that one day I will fully overcome this :) Don’t lose hope girls! We can beat this!

  106. Written by: kimi | January 19th, 2012

    Hi I'm 25 years old and recently discovered i have vaginismus. my husband and i got married last year.I was a virgin when i got married and sex has always been painful. sometimes more than others. I cry all the time. my husband tries to be patient with me, but i know he is getting frustrated, and i think he is becoming afraid of having sex with me. He's also a big guy. i often wondered if it was his size or it was me not being able to perform, we have tired using one finger and recently 2 but even that hurts. I have a huge sexual appetite, with out penetration i get multiple orgasms,even from intense making out. I'm in tears writing this, but I'm happy to know there are more woman like me and I'm not alone. i am going to try the dilator

  107. Written by: Larisa | February 15th, 2012

    I knew there was something wrong when my husband could not get inside me during our honeymoon. We went to the doctor after a couple of months and was scheduled for surgery since my "hymen was too thick". After the surgery and after the doctor gave the OK, my husband and I still could not have sex. I found this website and almost everyone's story matched mine. I finally ordered it and have been studying the book. It gets frustrating to see that women have these success stories after a couple of weeks or so, and after months I still cannot. Like many, I feel i'm not normal, and always ask "Why me?". However, I plan to get over it, and I will. No matter how long it takes me..!

  108. Written by: elizabeth | February 29th, 2012

    Hi,I,m 53 and I have this problem for 4and half years.I tried everything medications, therappy vitamins,execise,healthy eating and and HPR the pain is still there.SO ,where is the cure?

  109. Written by: jackie | March 18th, 2012

    I just found this website when I was trying to find out if i was to small down there. Glad to know I'm not the only one! I just tried to have a pap at my docs office the other day and she couldn't do it, i hurt so bad i was crying. I thought maybe since i'd had sex since the last time they tried to do one, that i would be okay. I was very wrong. now i have to go to the ob and see if they have a smaller thing to use to do the pap. I'm hoping the smaller one will work, but at least now i know to bring this up before they even begin!

  110. Written by: irina | April 2nd, 2012

    hi, i jst found out this site few days back, i have been married 3 yrs back n we could not have proper sex as my husband cud not penetrate ,coz he feels a wall blocking his way every time he tries, n this upsets me so much , coz i too want to have sex n want to feel him inside me, like any woman wud want , but when i came to know about my problem is vaginismus , i definately see hoooope there , i m ordering my kit soon , n hoping that it will end my problem.god bless.

  111. Written by: Bleu | April 14th, 2012

    Hi --- I'm 49 - soon to turn 50 this July. This is my second complete year without my period. My menopausal symptoms ran the gamut from hot flashes, to mood swings, sweats, irritability and insomnia. - I still suffer the tossing and turning all night so my quality of sleep if very poor. I also suffer from urgency incontinence -- If I do not go right then and there, I stand the high chance I will 'tinkle" a wee bit on myself :( . About 1 1/2 yrs ago, I began experiencing painful intercourse with my partner then (13 years. He was able to penetrate but it was very painful upon entry and when he would thrust. I dissolved our relationship about one year ago. I have began a new relationship with a wonderful man who does excite (arouse) me. Twice now, we have attempted sex but aside from the pain, he has been unable to penetrate me... I am sooooo miserable! I have always enjoyed terrific sex BEFORE menopause...... I have recently lost my job and have no heath insurance. I do not know what to do!!!! Miserable in Baltimore...

  112. Written by: Name | April 14th, 2012

    To add to the above -- the area that is painful is the vulval vestibule area. I am able to insert a dildo (glass kind, about one inch maybe around) no problem, no pain.... My old partner of 13 years was able to penetrate but it hurt entering and thrusting. My new partner is able to highly arouse me but as soon as he attempts to penetrate -- my vagina wont cooperate! It is like he has hit a brick wall! He says he can feel my body tense and thought I was just not ready for sexual relations (so NOT true)! My body is a stranger now... no longer my friend :( :(

  113. Written by: Patty | May 16th, 2012

    I will be 45 next week and will celebrate 18 years of marriage the week after. When we first married, it hurt a little, but we were able to enjoy each other. After 12 surgeries and a car wreck, things are different. It is so frustrating to NOT be able to enjoy sex with my husband. Many men would have given up, demanded BJ's or just said get over it. Thankfully I have his support and we are trying to work through this together. My physical therapist who specializes in this problem is the ONLY one in the area. Why is this such TABOO? If more women knew what this was and how to treat it, maybe some other marriages could be saved.--After I recover from the car wreck, we get to start again. Thankfully he is a very patient man!

  114. Written by: karen | January 25th, 2013

    I am 63 and am embarrassed to say that I don't know if I ever had sex that wasn't painful. I remember it being painful at the beginning, and I think I as able to enjoy it during times in my life, but was never completely able to, and I think this is why orgasms were difficult, too. Since the birth of my children (at 35 and 42) and menopause,l am very sure I have almost never been able to experience penetration, and thrusting without pain. I finally had some physical therapy and noticed some improvement, but I think I tried too soon, pain returned and then I found myself too fearful to be able to try again. I would sometimes encourage my husband (of 30 years in August) to penetrate but then was so sad when it didn't feel good that I would sometimes let him continue when I should not have done so. IT only made things worse. I am hoping that if I can follow the guidelines of this treatment (and try NOT to be too impatient), I will find some success. My gynecologist suggested the dilators and I decided to go with the books and CD to give myself the best chance. I am hopeful, but there is small voice in me that says I will never be able to enjoy sex as I would lke to.

  115. Written by: MG | February 15th, 2013

    Could someone help me please? I am seventeen years old and I still have not been able to use a tampon, i cannot even begin to insert it without a lot of pain! The same also goes with my finger, i can barely even get the tip of my pinky finger in without great pains.. It feels as if there is a wall that nothing could get through. I have never had sex but some day i would like to be able to and as of now i don't see that happening. I am just wondering if i could have vaginismus or some sort of hymen deformity? Anyone have an input? Thanks much! MG

  116. Written by: Aki | May 5th, 2013

    My wife and I have been married for 3 years, together for 5. We have still not had sex. Where do I start... She had corrective surgery to no avail.. Still no sex. We have an appointment with a counsellor/psychiatrist next month, and don't know how long this process is going to take.. Is it going to be weeks? Months? This is taking its toll on me as I have not had sex in 5 years and prior to being with my wife, I had a very sexually active life. It is really taking its toll, there is no intimacy, no passion, and communication is just not there unless it has to be. I know this is not her fault but I need some help here. I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  117. Written by: Man | August 25th, 2013

    This is very good advice. My girlfriend has vaginismus but together we are working through it. Good luck to you all x

  118. Written by: HG | August 26th, 2013

    I am 66 years old - have enjoyed sex all my life - am post menopausal and did not have sex for about six or seven years. Am now in a relationship and am finding intercourse is very painful - more like not possible. I tried medication given to me by my doctor - but found the side-effects scary. Saw a gyno but overall they push the meds and then you are on your own. I value this relationship and I have so enjoyed sex in the past, that I am looking for help ..... I'm guessing this is vaginal atrophy - thank you for your site.....hg

  119. Written by: Annabell | September 20th, 2013

    It's 3a.m. And I am just crying from reading all these stories. I have suffered from what I'm sure is vagismus for 13 years of marriage and 4 years of dating.. On our honeymoon my husband said ' it's like hitting a brick wall'.. I did endless bjs on him and had 'partial penetration' with orgasm.And over the years he was not very sympathetic , and I was too ashamed to seek treatment from the medical field , somehow thinking that they would think I'm totally 'abnormal".. I suffered abuse ( especially emotional) but also sexual as he thought porn or 3somes would help??;( jover the course of our marriage and he had affairs throughout before he left altogether. Reading your stories though makes me realize ,that a lot if you had partners that stuck by you and even helped look for a cure.( support).. I am completely heartbroken and at 45 ,have to start a new life now,, even though , like some of you I was like .. Who could blame him?) I'm getting lots of therapy now by a very caring professional, who is giving me hope, and reading thiese accounts gives me hope too ! Sometime I will be ordering a vagismus kit as well, but right now therapist is dealing with phsicologilcal effects of the abuse I have suffered at the hands of a. Uncaring partner and she says he would have been like that had I had perfect sex... -- Slowly healing and dealing in the south

  120. Written by: KK | September 27th, 2013

    Why is it that doctors don't seem to know about this condition? I have been asking about painful intercourse for 30 years and was always told it was just my anatomy, and I was just small down there. I have completely lost interest in sex because it's so unpleasant. Had just one doctor I asked known about this, I could have had a normal sex life and still be enjoying sex today. To find out that this is a condition easily treated with high success rates makes me want to scream! If this was a condition affecting men, every doctor would know all about it and there would be TV commercials for treatments. I feel like I've been cheated my whole life.

  121. Written by: sarah | November 25th, 2013

    I have always had a little pelvic pain during sex but overall enjoyed a very healthy sex life with my husband but after giving birth vaginally 3 months ago, having sex is completely impossible, it's absolute agony. I try to force myself but through this I've been put off every thing and I just want to cry all the time. I don't know what to do about it. My doctor just gave me a piece of paper with stuff about vaginismus off the internet.

  122. Written by: Matt | December 14th, 2013

    My wife and I have been married for 3 years, and on our honeymoon I was expecting sex to be painful for her, because I had heard that the first time is usually painful for a girl. (Although we got married at 27 we were both virgins) Since then the pain has not lessened with sex for her. It was rare in the first year for us to have sex with her not crying. We believed through advice and research that this simply meant that I was too big and more intercourse would fix our problem. Unfortunately, as I now know, sex with untreated vaginismus will cause the symptoms to worsen. Without knowing this, we kept trying, and I applaud my wife for having sex with me despite the intense pain she had for the time we've been married. We even had a daughter 5 months ago. However, now penetration is no longer possible at all without extreme pain on her part, therefore we have not had sex in a year. I was so despondent about this fact that I searched and searched until I found out about vaginismus. I told her about it, and when she looked it up on your website she agreed that this is spot on for her symptoms. She ordered the kit, received it in the mail, and now the book sits next to her bed, unread, and the rest of the kit sits comfortably in its case. I began reading the book, and she somewhat scolded me for reading a book that was for her. I can understand that the years of painful sex have completely destroyed any desire to have intercourse in her. I can understand that pain would make one avoid sex. I can understand all of that, but now that a cure is in sight, how do I get my wife to try to work towards that cure, when the promise at the end of the journey, is something she knows only as pain. How do you motivate someone to simply forget all they've known about sex, and assume that every experience they've ever had has nothing to do with how sex should be? It feels like our marriage is a shell of what it should be. For those of you reading this, I want you to know, if you want to fix this, it is entirely possible. But if you don't want to fix this, please don't get your spouse's hopes up, and then do nothing about it. It might just be more depressing now than before.

  123. Written by: veronica magambo-Kenya | December 15th, 2013

    Comments/Feedback Thank you very much for this website.am glad i've found you and discover that am not alone with this problem.i've gone to many doctors but they have been giving me different kinds of medicines for STIs.am in Kenya please advice me what to do or where to visit.

  124. Written by: Bonnie | July 26th, 2014

    I was a virgin when I got married. I had a very tough hymen which had to be broken by my Gyn. I was 20 when I got married. I had two children, but intercourse was always difficult. I am now 66 and for years I was celibate due to my husband being ill. I am now a widow and have met someone in would like to be intimate with. We tried and failed because I couldn't be entered. It feels as though something is blocking my cervix. He put me on a pillow and was able to enter a little but not all the way. Thank you for this article. I now have the name for this embarrassing condition.

  125. Written by: Ambitious | November 21st, 2014

    Comments/FeedbackThanks for this website, am from Kenya and there seem to be no doctor is familiar with this vaginismus. please how can you help.I have suffered from it for 6yrs in my marriage.

  126. Written by: Jeff | December 31st, 2014

    After 28 years of marriage, my wife has had this condition 9 months! She refuses to get treatment and still attempts coital every now and then and stops as the pain is too much. She is then mystified over the pain. Her belief that it is treatable is in doubt and simply refuses sex.

  127. Written by: Paula | March 13th, 2015

    I am 25-years-old and deeply affectionate, but have considered going the rest of my life without serious romantic relationships, due to my inability to experience penetration. So many times, I've tried and failed to have sex. Eventually, I started making up excuses to avoid getting into those situations and thought that I couldn't be helped. I cannot express how grateful I am to come across this website. Now, I can plan to find a solution, without feeling so embarrassed about it.

  128. Written by: Lady | April 7th, 2015

    I am 25 years old, and I have never had a physically intimate relationship. I want to use tampons and I cannot because of this problem. I though the entrance to my vagina was blocked so I went to the Dr. When she put her finger up there my vagina clamped down and I felt sore for a couple days afterward. I am so glad I found this site.

  129. Written by: James | May 16th, 2015

    Hi people I've been with my partner for 18 years..... This is really taking a toll on me now......I I'm 39 and she is 38,She said she was a Virgin when we first started going out,anyway we have a loving relationship, there is affection and we do other sexual things together,however penetration has never been something that is possible for us as it's just to painful for her and it doesn't matter how relaxed and wet I make her,there is just no way even my penis head can be inserted.... The last 4 years have been the hardest,we obviously don't have kids, and had been trying about 3-4 times a week over that period to make love, but always had to stop because of her pain and her frustration,having a family is playing on her mind I think,whenever I try and discus this topic about what she might have vaginismus, she just switches off, and doesn't want to talk about it...I feel she's trying to push me away to find another woman... This is the first time I've spoken about this openly to anyone, and I'm desperate for help for us, as I obviously love this woman,and want us to possibly have a family one day. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated

  130. Written by: Steven | June 4th, 2015

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this Web site! After reading it countless times, my wife and I found a doctor of physical therapy very experienced in pelvic dysfunction (who would have guessed?) in Levittown, New York, which is only 45 minutes from us. My wife has seen her once and already we are sure the doctor is helping her. Thank you again.

  131. Written by: anonymous women | June 20th, 2015

    In my experience, every women who had given birth to a child; is suffering from vaginismus. Why there is no awareness created among girls/women about the fact that viginismus condition cannot be escaped after giving birth to a child ?

  132. Written by: Amy | July 31st, 2015

    I'm thankful I've found this site . I could have sex with my bf's but it never felt 'great'. My bf and I had sex and it was painful and it rubbed , I cried . I feel for him and hope I can get treated soon. Maybe it has something to do with being raped 3 years ago and losing my virginity to him.


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