10 Common Myths About Vaginismus
The following is a list of ten common myths of vaginismus:
- Women who have vaginismus are frigid. Frigid is a derogatory term meaning sexually unresponsive. Most women with vaginismus are sexually responsive and deeply desire to make love. When sex always hurts or is uncomfortable it is normal to begin to avoid intimacy.
- Vaginismus will go away on its own. Vaginismus does not get better on its own. It requires treatment. The earlier treatment is initiated the more quickly pain-free intercourse will be attained. Do not accept your situation. We have helped many women who have struggled unnecessarily with vaginismus for decades before they sought treatment help.
- If we just try harder (keep trying to have sex) it will happen. Continuing to attempt penetrative intercourse while there is pain only makes the vaginismus WORSE - not better. Forcing it does not help. Stop having intercourse if you are having sexual pain and seek treatment.
- Taking special vitamins, relaxing, drinking wine, watching porno videos and/or listening to suggestion tapes all cure vaginismus. These things in themselves do not cure vaginismus. Relaxing, meditating, regular exercise, and eating healthy are all important to one's overall health but do not cure vaginismus. Watching adult videos and dabbling in pornography does not help vaginismus.
- Sex is supposed to hurt. Sex is NOT supposed to hurt. With first-time sex there may be some discomfort but ongoing sexual pain is not normal and needs to be treated.
- My husband/partner is just "too big" for me. Although it may seem a likely reason that intercourse is so difficult is because your husband/partner is well-endowed, penis size usually has nothing to do with vaginismus. With vaginismus the vaginal muscles are tightening up (without your conscious control) so there is not enough room for the penis to enter. No matter the size of an adult woman, the vagina is designed to accommodate a fully erect penis.
- There is no cure for vaginismus. This statement is completely false. Vaginismus is highly treatable.
- It takes thousands of dollars to overcome vaginismus. Vaginismus treatment does not need to cost exorbitant amounts of money. We provide effective and reasonably priced resources to women worldwide.
- All women with vaginismus have been sexually abused. There are many emotional and physical causes for vaginismus and sexual abuse is just one of them. Women who develop vaginismus often have abuse-free backgrounds.
- Surgery will fix my problem. There is no surgery to fix vaginismus - treatment success follows a straight-forward program. In extremely rare circumstances, a woman may have an especially thick or rigid hymen or other malformation that may require minor surgery to correct, but this is the exception.
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i am so very overwhelmed on finding this web site. i am 26 yrs old and have not yet experienced intercourse. i have always felt so alone and scared. i have believed that i was the only one who experienced this problem and that there was no cure or just a painful and expensive surgery to correct my "deformaty". i am still very scared to start a treatment but am more hopeful that i can become what i like to call "normal". thank you for having this information accessable for me. ~elizabeth
its nice to have this information
wow, my first girlfriend had this condition FOR SURE. I did stax of reading on it and finally found a small reference in a psychology textbook. A doctor friend recommended buying dildo's of different sizes but I guess I just wasn't ready to go through all that. I did tell her what to do, I sometimes wander if she's ok - I feel for all sufferers 'cause their guys are included in that group!
i am 29 and never had sexual intercourse before. I am so glad i have found this website. i would not know what to do otherwise. i am currently goung through the treatment with help from the book plus the dilators. still got a long way to go, but i have come along way and i feel more positive about the future.
Very, very pleased I found your website. The symptoms fit me to a "T". I have had this for a couple of years now and even switched gynecologists because I was told that more romance in my marriage woud cure this. My current gynecologist doesn't take my symptoms very seriously either and basically told me if I had intercourse more frequently it would get better. And both these physicans are affiliated with the Yale School of Medicine! I have ordered the dilators and am hopeful!
I was diagnosed with vaginismus just yesterday. I've been dealing with the problem for almost two years, but I never knew what it was until now. I'm so glad there's help out there. Your site has been very helpful, and I was even pleased to read about the myths. People with or without this problem should be well educated on the subject before making assumptions. I also hope that gynecologists and other family doctors will educate themselves on vaginismus.
Wow...I am also overwhelmed by this website. I thought I was the only one too!! I dated a guy for 5.5 years but never was "in love" with him and we tried to have sex but it never got anywhere and I thought it was becuase I didn't love him. I am now dating a wounderful guy who I am deeply in love with and I want to share this passionate experience with. We tried once but it didn't go anywhere and it felt like a "blockade" inside my vaginal wall. I also have a very difficult time having GYN exams. I am too scared/nervous to have them. I am currently working towards my problem and speaking to doctors. I have great optimism that things will work out and my boyfriend is right beside me every step of the way...what a saving grace!
I discovered this site while looking up how to relax at the gynecologist. I have an appointment tommorrow an am terrified. I have had one before. My first exam was not painful becasue the doctor was compassionate. At first she couldn't insert the speculum, but she used her finger to show me how to contract and release my muscles. I was queasy but she did it so fast. She used lubricant and slowly insterted the speculum. She did not open the speculum all the way and I barely felt it. I moved and got a new gyn and she was cold and heartless. She sprung the speculum wide open even though I told her I was a virgin, I guess because of my age at the time,(I was 24) she assumed I should be able to handle it. I didn't. I screamed and jumped across the table away from her. Her face was blank and she seemed annoyed and flatly stated I might feel some pressure. Somehow she was able to insert the speculum, I am amazed because I don't even like to open my legs, but when she opened the speculum again it hurt.It felt tight like I was being stretched! After she left the room I cried and dressed myself. I was sore and I never went back. I now have a kind gyn, but on my last visit I clenched up and she had to rush through the exam to get the pap smear and quickly remove the speculum. She explained I needed to relax my muscles, but I couldn't. I felt embarrassed and ashamed like I was her worst and wierdest patient. I hate making the appointment every year but I have ovarian and breast cancer on my mother's side and I know I need to do this. When I saw your website I stayed up until 4am reading all the stories and comments about vaginismus. I was perplexed, I WASN'T ALONE!! I prayed and thanked God for leading me to this site. I was too embarrassed to even mention this to God, but I know as silly as it seems, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I even managed to insert my finger a little ways inside myself after reading this to feel my PC muscles contract and release to prepare me for tommorrow. It's amazing! I am too squeamish to even look at the diagrams of intercourse on this site, I can't stand the thought of something touching my cervix. I want to clamp my legs shut and cross them when i look at it. But I plan to order the treatment kit and mention this website to my gyn who may not know about this disorder. I pray that I will be cured before I get married some day. I used to worry that I wouldn't be able to have sex or wear tampons properly forever. I may be a part of that 1% that has this disorder, but I don't have to suffer anymore!! God Bless you all for your research for this site, and for the treatment kits!!
I am 19 years old and have never been able to have sex. I have tried several times with a couple of different partners but the pain I experienced was to much, I was left feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I often feel alone and left out when I hear friends talking about their sex lives. After finding the information on this site I am certain I suffer from vaginismus. I am still too embarressed to talk to anybody I know about this but have found the confidence to visit my GP for help. I just hope she has heard of this condition before and is understanding. The information has made me realise that I am not abnormal, as many other women suffer from this problem. Thank you for the information you have provided, it has been a great help.
Wow I still can't believe there's other women out there with my same problem. I'm 24 years old and just got married 2 months ago, I waited for my husband because I wanted to be very special on my wedding night, and it was horrible, and he thought we were the only couple with this problem. When he found this website and apologies to me I started crying because I knew we were about to get help. I'm tired of crying everytime we try and I just can't have intercourse, and it's really hard for us, but now I can't wait to get my books and just be able to have a normal marriage.... Thank you so much for this page, you have no idea how much it's helping us...
I got married around 6 months back. I am suffering with the same problem. This site has provided help in terms of useful information. Its helps tp know that you are not the only one and that there is help available on this. Thanks....
i have the same problem it hurts when i have sex and i have ky jelly he is so big that i cant take him he cant even enter into me why is that
i just found this site last night and am also very overwhelmed and have shed tears over the fact that i may have this condition. I'm 18 years old and started having sex about five months ago. We couldn't do it often but everytime we tried he said he felt blockage and it hurt as if when he thrusted he was about to puncture something inside of me. I'm still not sure whether or not vaginismus is the cause or if it's the inconsistency because he fully penetrated me with his finger. Can someone offer any advice? I'd really appreciate it...
This website changed some of my misconceptions about vaginismus. I first came across this condition when I was doing research on painful intercourse because I couldn't figure out why sex hurt for me. The first information I recieved was that vaginismus was due to some sort of sexual trauma (which I have not suffered from) and that vaginismus is only when your vaginal walls completely block the penis from entering, which was not my case either. So I moved on thinking that I didn't have vaginismus. But I came back and found this site and I discovered that women with vaginismus can be successful with penetration but experience pain during the intercourse, and that sometimes there is no known cause for it. This changes everything! I finally have answers. I think it's also important to recognize all the levels of severity of vaginismus so other women like me don't get mislead. You can still have vaginismus when you ARE able to be penetrated but have no pain with tampons, etc. Thanks to this site I have been given answers!
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AND I NOW REALISE I'M NOT A FREAK! I'M GOING IMMEDIATELY TO MY DOCTORS TOMMORROW AND I'M GOING TO BE REFERED! I WILL MENTION YOUR WEBSITE TO HER AND WILL SING YOUR PRAISES ON THE ROOFTOPS OF LONDON!!!
Thank you for this website! I'm 20 and haven't been able to have penetration yet... want to be able to soon. I grew up in a household where sex was considered ok, not dirty, openly talked about- so not sure where this comes from. My bf and I immensely enjoy oral sex but haven't had intercourse because I cannot let him- it's like my muscles just tense up so incredibly tightly. Will look into relaxing along with treatment on the site. Thank you!
I'm 35 years old and I have two children, I gave birth through ciserian section.Currently I'm divorce from a marriage of six hard years.I now know that I'm not alone in this pain which I did'nt have a clue of what was happening to me because all the time during my marriage sex was painful and there was no penetration what so ever.Even going for gyn tests was a nightmare for me. Unfortunately we have doctor's who do not understand this condition and think that you crazy.My husband did not love me enough to have patience for me and started having affairs and was verbally abusive towards me and always told me that I needed to go for therapy alone.He did not became part of my pain.I thank God for this website it has opened my eyes and I will surely purchase the treatment and start the healing process.
hi m 23yrs old.m very happy to find ur website.i'was really shock to know abt this prob with my gf.it seems to be very clear to me but my gf is really afraid abt all this things.she is actually shamed to visit a doc now..is there any way to make her understand so that she changes her mind...
is there any way to just avoid a doc .....
Hi Prik, Thank you for your comment. I would be happy to privately discuss this matter with you via email. Please send your email address to help@vaginismus.com, and I will address your concerns. Thank you! Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
After 4 years with a non sexual marriage, the cracks are really starting to show. Now other problems are taking there toll and there is no make up sex...but so good to know I am not the only one and that things can get better!
I've been married to my husband for three years and with him for ten. The only time we had sex was about seven years ago, and our marriage is unconsummated. We love and desire each other very much, and enjoy a wonderful sex life without the sex, but of course, we are both so frustrated and I have developed avoidance of the issue and he ends up holding his frustrations in. I had counselling...didn't work, and then gave up initial dilator treatment upon moving countries. I always thought it was psychological, as all the doctors implied, but now I know it might not be due to trauma etc. as I never had any! I've already got the dilators and have ordered the self-help book and am determined to try again! Peace.
I've had this problem sinse I began haing sex, I'm nearly 18 so still young, me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years now,this problem has caused us to have too much responsibility and worry too soon when other couples our age have a worry free relationship. This problem is taking its toll on our relationship as well as causing me depression which I have been diagnosed with recently, we kept it quiet for ages because I was so ashamed and felt broken almost.. We are seeking medical help with a psychosexual therapist at a hospital which my doctor recommended. My boyfriend has been fantastic and stuck by me but I know it's hard on him.. I recently found this website and it helps me to know that we are not alone as I have tried talking it through with friends who do not understand and are not supportive.. I'm trying to be more positive now even though it's hard to see it WILL get better right now, but I know it will.
I'm 57 years old, married and had had painless sexual intercourse since age 18. However, when I went through menopause 15 yrs. ago, vaginal dryness & thinning of the walls, and low libdo kicked in. When we did try intercourse, I was feeling such intense burning...we quit. Just recently I was correctly diagnosed with vaginismus by a female NP here in WA state, and referred to a physcial therapist who has helped via weekly sessions. But alas, I still have little desire for intercourse with my husband and the pain has returned. I know he misses intercourse, and I would like to experience this with him again. If any of you live in NC...I'd like to find a therapist in the Charlotte NC area and resume treatment.
to Mary: This isn't Charlotte but there is a doctor in Chapel Hill named Dr. John Steege who works for the University of Chapel Hill. He works in the "Division of Laproscopy and Pelvic Pain" at the Hospital of UNC. I know its a bit of a drive, but its probably worth it!
how can treat my self i;m 26 years old from egypt i married from one year what can i do?ar,i never make sex with my husband since we have married
hi, i have been married for 8 months. initially we tried to have sex.but i acould not allow penetration as it was painful and cuased a burning sensation. i have hope after reading this website. i am going to order the self help kit.
hi..well ive been married for three years and had an unconsummated marriage.although i had heard about vaginismus i was in denial the last three years thinking that maybe its a problem which will go away on ur own.I even went for surgery with no conducive outcome..I was on the verge of losing all hope when through an internet search for vaginal dilators i bumped into ur website.It was indeed heartwarming.I researched it for hours and immediately ordered the vaginismus self help treatment kit.When i went through your book i wept because for the first time i felt someone empathize with what i've been through.I have started the treatment and within ten days have progressed to the second dilator and am feeling tremendously confident..I cant wait to give u all the good news once we get there.thanks once again.
Hi, I'm from Indonesia. My husband and I have been married for almost a year now, and we never had sex before. From the very first night we tried to have sex, there were always problem with inserting his 'property' into mine and both of us were very confused and also didnt have the courage to consult to the doctor (sex is a taboo thing in our country). then I search at the internet and found out about vaginismus and I forced my husband to go to the OBGYN for a help. Indeed, the doctor was very very unhelpful and rude toward my complaint!! We got even more and more confuse and sad. until today, my husband found this site and it's very relieving to read that vaginismus is actually very high treatable. we become optimist again. thanks a lot!
Hi Bunga, Thank you for your comment. I would love to email with you about your questions if you'd like. I tried to send an email to you already, but it didn't go through. You can reach me at help@vaginismus.com. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service