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In this article published in the Nov./Dec. 2004 issue of Today's Christian Woman by our own Kate Cardwell (Kate now serves as an online counselor/moderator in our Vaginismus Community Center - Private Forums), Kate discusses her experience with Secondary Vaginismus/Dyspareunia and the impacts to her marriage:
"What happens when the process of "becoming one" in marriage brings pain, not pleasure? Or when every attempt at intercourse induces intense burning and the sensation of being torn apart inside? Many women live with an invisible handicap that robs them and their spouse of the enjoyment of sexual intercourse. It's called vaginismus, and it's possibly the most common cause of female sexual pain you've never heard of.
Commonly misdiagnosed, vaginismus is the involuntary and unconscious spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina, making penetration painful or impossible. Estimates suggest that in North America alone, hundreds of thousands of women suffer from vaginismus to some degree. Statistics are hard to gather because many never come forward due to shame and embarrassment. Victims suffer in silence for years, never realizing they can find help.
My journey with vaginismus began 12 years ago. My husband, Brian*, and I had been married eight years when I gave birth to our second child. Labor was traumatic, and the baby was finally taken by C-section. After my recovery and with two babies in the house, my husband and I were tired but eager to resume the joy and comfort of intimacy.
Instead, sex brought anything but joy and comfort. Every time we had intercourse, I experienced intense burning pain. While I wanted to say "yes" to intimacy, my body said "no."
When my physician examined me, he found nothing physically wrong and said the pain should subside. But it didn't. In fact, it got worse. I didn't know what was happening, and fear kept me from telling Brian for two years. Many times I hid the tears. I thought if I told him, he'd be afraid to touch" Read Full Article at www.christianitytoday.com »
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It has hurt me to have sex for several years now. I had an exam and was told I don't have any infections or whatever, but I never feel comfortable about asking about the pain..Truthfully, I was beginning to think it was me. (in my head) I didn't understand how it hurt so bad going in but then nothing everything felt good. The bad part is that little bit of pain in the beginning is enough to make you not wanna have sex! Which can lead to allot of uncomfortable feelings when you are with someone. After reading these articles I am convinced I am suffering from Vaginismus. I gotta admit that it feels good to know it isn't just me and that there is others who have this problem. However for me it never feels like a burning just more I don't know just painful!!! and always right at the beginning which is weird cause its barley in at all??? But then after its been inserted all the way (which takes forever because of the pain) I am fine and the pain is gone??
i relate completely to mistys problem. i also never knew i had a problem i thot thats how sex is supposed to be. the pain for me is at the beginning of penetration then after that its fyn.its after my boyfriend also experienced pain that he discovered this website. the only relief is that its treatable tho i dont know wat to do yet!!!!!!!!!
I would like to have the book I think it will me to teach others and be a better lover. Thanks
I hate have sex because of all the pain it hurts so bad I cry
Hi Sue, Thank you for your comment. I tried to reach you by email, but my message wouldn't go through. If you would like to discuss this any further, please email us at help@vaginismus.com any time. Kind regards, Meg Customer Service
Comments/Feedback
When i first started having sex it hurt quite badly. So me and my partner decided to try anal sex to see if i enjoyed it more. I did, and we had anal quite often instead of girl 'girl' sex. We decided to try girl sex again, and i began to enjoy it. I got thrush a few months ago, and after that girl sex has burned me and left me in agonizing pain. We tried to have anal again but for some reason that hurts me even more. I don't know what to do, i feel so ashamed and feel like i'm letting him down
The Pain Is Soo Bad When i Have Sex, I Dnt Know What Is Wrong? Pleasee Help ..
Hi everyone!
I'm new to http://www.vaginismus.com.
Hope I can be a regular here!
Hi, I have had pain during and after intercourse for several years. I have seen doctors and they are stumpted. I don't have vaginismus. I'm not tight. It definitely hurts during penetration and afterwards. I wish I had some hope to great sex.
My partner complains of pains during sex and after sex, what can we do to previent it?
I discoverd the tightness of my pelvic muscle last month,please the pain is really too that am afraid to have sex again,my dear please help me
Doctors thought I had Vaginismus but actually its a different pain to what you are talking about here. No pain on the way in, but I have pain when my partner hits the back wall meaning that he is touching the stump of my uterus following removal of my uterus during my hysterectomy years ago.