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I found your books (the book and work book) really good for always taking into account that things might have been different for those of us with secondary vaginismus. Having secondary vaginismus, my biggest question was "why"? If I'd been able to have sex in the past, with my husband and previously numerous other partners, even one night stands (laying to rest the idea that you have to have a "trusting" relationship to be able to relax and have pain-free sex), why were my husband and I now unable to have sex? Although the journalling aspects of the early steps in the workbook helped, I'm not sure I truly understood "why" until we successfully had sex again after going through your program, when I was able to step back from it all. - I think for me it was just a cycle of getting complacent in our sexual relationship (it becoming a chore, you're used to each other and its not that mad rush to rip each others clothes off!!), not enough foreplay and not being aroused enough, it being uncomfortable to begin with, me tensing up, then it hurting. Then next time, my body expected it to hurt, tensed up, and the whole cycle continued. Ignoring the problem and hoping it would go away didn't work, it just made it worse and made us both feel terrible.
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